My Yours, Mine, and Ours Family

March 4, 2015
Day 308

I'm still sick, but I'll spare you the details.  Instead, I want to tell you today about my yours, mine, and ours family.

Here's the SHORT version:

My father was married with four small children (Esther, Richard, Maureen, and Paul) when his wife Maura died of breast cancer.  My mother was married with four small children (Laurie, Billy, Peggy, and Robby) and 9 months' pregnant with her fifth child (Darren) when her husband died by electrocution at work.  They met at a Catholic widows' group, married, and then my mom gave birth to me (Sean) and then my younger sister (Marilyn).  Got it?  If not, just go back and read again.

As far as Marilyn and I were concerned, all of these older siblings were our full-blooded and full in every other way siblings.  They were always a part of our lives from the time we were born.  Yet growing up, we quickly learned of the history, the fact that the other 11 people in our immediate family were living with many step-relationships.  It hadn't occurred to us as children to second-guess this, nor did we really understand why it was a big deal, but it always was.

In 1975 when I was born, my oldest brothers and sisters were teenagers.  Can you imagine making five kids between 8 and 14 live with four other kids between 10 and 17, and then quickly adding two more babies to the mix?  Neither parent could ever hope, nor would ever try to replace the deceased loved one in the other's family, yet these children had to get used to life with a second parent they didn't really know too well.

Naturally there was a lot of resentment and anger, and again, they were children, so the animosities and temper tantrums of youth were only further exacerbated by the whole merging of families.  My father was an alcoholic, and though his days of ass-whooping didn't carry over to my upbringing, he was no major charmer in those early days to any of his first 4 to 9 kids.  And my mom, who was clearly overwhelmed with responsibilities, was apparently seen as overly strict. 

Personally?  I can't imagine not wanting to fall back on alcohol or order if faced with raising my family!  In fact, were I in either of my parents' shoes, I don't know how I'd cope trying to raise my brothers and sisters and me.  We weren't the worst kids imaginable, but we were far from angels, and honestly, having to raise five kids and four step-kids, then two more kids (or having to raise four kids and five step-kids, then two more kids) would be so hard for any of us to do!

How are things today, now that we're all adults?  Well, my dad died in August of 1999, my mom died in October of 2004, and my oldest sister Esther died in April of 2013, but for the rest of us, it's about what you might expect, really.  Most get along well with each other and see each other often, some don't speak to each other at all, and others see each other or get along less, but with no love lost...which is kind of like life.  We're not all going to get along with each other, or at least not to the same degree as we do with other people.  Yet we all went through the same crazy years together, which makes each one of us an integral part of the overall puzzle, at least for me. 

I'm part of the "Ours" in Yours, Mine, and Ours, so I love all my siblings.  I may see some more than others and even mesh better with some more than others, but I love them all.  They're my family, and they always will be.