The December Blur

December 8, 2014
Day 222

I just feel weird today.  Every day this month is just one big blur, isn't it?  I like the blur, I enjoy the blur, and I look forward to the blur every year, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it can all be very blurry.

Those of us who celebrate Christmas are always forgetting the Hanukkah celebrations our Jewish friends and family are having, and they--well, some of them wish they could forget our celebrations, because let's face it, Christmas is everywhere right now!  At least by me in New York, you can't drive down a single block without seeing some decorations out front, and I think the Christmas music actually began at some point the week after July 4th this year.

In my family alone, we've got at least six birthdays this month, and when you add in holiday parties, concerts and theatre events, Christmas movies, TV shows ending for the year, Christmas cards to write, and Christmas presents to buy and wrap, it's literally one giant blur of a month.  So yeah, I'm just feeling weird today, and it's partly because I have a mountain of important things on my to-do list right now, and by my math, it's an impossible feat to accomplish it all.  Still, I always do.  Year after year, I bitch and I moan, and somehow, through some kind of holiday magic, it all comes together. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the blur is hard to appreciate sometimes.  When so much comes at you so fast, so much to do and so many places to be, you can't help but feel a little weird.  And when this happens, as it seems to be happening to me today, I think it's best to just sit and let it happen to you.  Take a breath and wait until your vision catches up to itself.  Wait until the blurs feel less blurry, and the hurrying less hurried.  Let yourself just sit down from time to time and do nothing.  Relax.  Have a sip of hot chocolate, or whatever your favorite warm beverage may be.  Be grateful the holiday season is here, and just appreciate every part of it.

Isn't that nice?

Okay, good.  Break's over!  Get back on the sleigh!  We've got a long ride still ahead of us!

Our blurry vision

September 26, 2014
Day 150

I can still remember the way I felt that very first time I got eyeglasses.  My mother was driving me home from the mall, or wherever it was, and everything I saw out the car windows was astonishing.  It was like a whole new world was presenting itself to me, a clearer world I'd previously been missing.

When you've never worn eyeglasses, it can be hard to imagine.  You truly believe the world around you is clear enough, until one day someone tells you they can see something you can't.  "What do you mean you can't read that sign?" they ask, and you immediately feel inadequate.

I wonder if life isn't this way too sometimes.  We think we're seeing clearly, when actually, we're missing so much.  The signs are all around us, but our vision is just blurry, and worst of all, we think we're seeing everything with absolute clarity.  We think we're so great, we've got superhuman vision...when so often, the complete opposite is true!

And then it happens.  An eye doctor comes along and sets you straight.  A teacher points out your spelling is actually quite horrible.  A friend confides he actually hates your cooking.  A family member gently takes your hand and whispers that you really ought to use breath mints more often.

When you finally get your "vision" checked and you're fitted for corrective lenses at last, you can't believe how blurry your vision used to be.  You can't believe how much clearer you can now see.

But this isn't the end of the lesson.  That's because you still do have blurry vision.  You've just learned to see differently with new lenses.  The lenses aren't attached to your eyes, just as perfect understanding isn't a permanent fix for your personality or judgment.  Being a good person isn't going to be a constant any more than you'll end up wearing glasses 24 hours a day.  Reality is fluid, vision is ever changing, and the eye, just like your sight, is forever imperfect.

We're stuck with our blurry vision, but we can help ourselves see more clearly when we first admit we don't see clearly, when we second get help from someone who knows better, and third, when we simply choose to wear our glasses, remembering that so often in life, we just need the outside help.