The rental car key deep in the sea

January 17, 2015
Day 262

We were somewhere in the middle of a two-week trip to Maui when it happened.  It was Andy's birthday that day, so we made it one of our do-nothing days, opting to check out a nice beach we'd heard about just past Kapalua.

I settled down with a book, our cooler, and towels, so Andy could go swimming first, but just as he was emptying his pockets of his wallet, phone, and whatnot, his brother Chris called from Massachusetts to wish him a happy birthday.  They spoke for maybe 10 minutes, I snapped a few photos while they did, and when he got off the phone, I took one last shot of Andy with the gorgeous view behind him (pictured here). 

Andy then went in for his swim in the amazing waters off the incredible D.T. Fleming Beach.  There were only a few other people on the stretch of beach, maybe 15-20 at most, and only half that number or less in the water, so we mostly had the place to ourselves.  About 15 minutes later, as I'm deep into my book and hardly have a care in the world, Andy suddenly comes jogging up from the ocean looking very nervous.  He started rustling through our things, asking, "Do you have the car key?"  Now I don't think any other combination of six words could have told me so much in such a short sentence.  Andy was the driver, not me, and the rental car key would have definitely not been in my pocket.  We hadn't seen a magician recently, and as far as I understood, the laws of time and space were still active.

What followed next was a 15-minute-long stress adventure beginning with Andy calling the car rental company to tell them he thought he'd lost the key in the ocean, followed soon afterward by a call to a locksmith, and a long conversation about fees and hassles, the likes of which neither of us wanted on his birthday, nor at anytime while staying on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean!

After watching Andy for a few minutes on the phone, I took a long look out at the ocean waters he'd been swimming in.  I realized, quite accurately, that he'd been exploring about 50% of the whole length of the available swimming area, and had gone in as far as waist-deep out into the water.  Still, there was a bit of hope here anyway.  He wasn't exactly swimming in the northern Atlantic off Long Island.  This was paradise, and I began to think I might actually find the key out there somewhere.

So I said a prayer to St. Anthony, and went to work.  I walked up and down that beach and as far out as I guessed Andy had.  At one point 5 minutes into my search, mentioning to a woman I was searching for a car key, she said, "That guy over there just found a key."  I rushed to the man right away, only to learn it was a completely different key a completely different vacationer had lost.  So I returned to my expedition feeling slightly less hope, but no less determination. 

And then it happened: my golden ticket moment!  I spotted something glimmering in the sun, something metallic shining beneath the deepest water I'd been through.  Could it be?  Could this be our missing car key, not yet buried beneath the sand or taken out into even deeper waters?  I reached down until my head and neck were in the water a bit, feeling around for the object I'd spotted.  I grabbed it at last and pulled it up, and glory be to God, it was our car key! 

I was so happy to have found it, and as I walked back toward the beach, I spotted Andy still on the phone guarding our rental car (worried someone would find the key and steal the car--not too rare an occurrence on the islands).  He was quite far away from me, but I held the key up in the air with a big smile, pointing at it with my other hand so he'd see I found it.  I couldn't help but laugh as Andy came running back toward me, the weight of the world now off his birthday-in-paradise shoulders.  Whew! 

Not quite a Miracle on the Hudson story, just a great Maui good luck adventure, but it's one I promise you we will never forget!

Finding Your Bliss

January 10, 2015
Day 255

In May of 2012, Andy and I experienced an amazing vacation to Maui, Hawaii.  Up until that point, I'd always called Ludlow, Vermont my home away from home, and though I guess it still is, I gotta say... Maui sure would be a nice place to live for all eternity!

As I was writing my second book a year or so ago, I began painting more and more scenes that took place in Heaven, and I had to decide exactly what Heaven would look like, especially for a major scene at the end of the book.  And that's when Maui started whispering in my ear again: "You've already found Heaven right here with me.  Make Heaven look like me!"

We all have these special spots on Earth we go to where we feel absolutely swept up in bliss, a place where all is right in the world even when it isn't, where all you need to do is just look around you, and feel the sensory overload only a perfect place can give.

Maybe your bliss is at the beach, or in the mountains, or on a farm, or at a winery.  Maybe it's in your church, or in a library, or even in your bed!  I'm sure that just my mentioning a few possibilities already got you thinking of a place where you always feel happy.  Good!  That's your piece of Heaven right here on Earth, and you should try to put yourself there as often as possible!

Your place of bliss is easy to find if you just look around and seek it out.  A dream vacation like my trip to Maui may be financially difficult to attain, but bliss is always close at hand.  Even when you travel to a special place of comfort, surrounded by gorgeous views, great weather, maybe some yummy food and drink, you'll often find your bliss was right there with you all the time.  In that way, bliss is like your favorite part of a great book.  It's inside just waiting to be found.  You need only turn a few pages first until you find it.

Things which matter least

May 24, 2014.

There's a quote I came across at some point in the past two years, which I keep now above my desk at work:

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." --Goethe

It's just become one of those life mantras I absolutely adore, and it reminds me how unbelievably silly we all can be.  We throw away friendships and relationships for the stupidest possible things, misconceptions and mistaken understandings more often than any other.  We quit jobs, we leave programs, and we otherwise make reckless decisions based on one bad day, experience, or interaction.

So much of life's good gets thrown away with the bad.  The baby is thrown out with the bath water, and the nose is cut off to spite the face. 

The older I get, the sillier I realize we all are.  And it's in the midst of this silliness-recognition process that you really begin to see the absolute beauty of life, instead of the other way around.  You break two eggs into the pan to cook up some breakfast, before you realize a little piece of shell fell in.  The egg is bubbling away, and it's too difficult to get just that little piece of shell out on its own.  So you dig out a piece of the egg too, just to be sure you got the shell out.  The breakfast isn't ruined, and the majority of the eggs will still be fine. 

When we let the things which matter least mess up the things which matter most, we've totally relinquished common sense.  We've allowed our melting heartstrings to bubble up in the pan, instead of just taking a wide-angled view of the situation, and fixing the small issue calmly. 

The photo I'm attaching here is a shot Andy took of me on Ka'anapali Beach in Maui in May, 2012.  At the moment this photo was taken, I was looking around for a safe place to move into the water, as there was a lot of underwater coral in the area.  We were leaving Hawaii the next day to head back to New York after 10 full days there, and though most of my amateur snorkeling time I was in a more secluded area, on this day we were in a crowded (for Maui) stretch of beach.  We came over to this area because I was hoping I'd see my first sea turtle, but the search wasn't looking good. 

When I look at this photo now though, I see two things.  I see all the frustration, disappointment, and anxiety I was feeling, but I also see the people further out, and I remember they were the ones I swam with minutes later.  They were the ones who called out, "Turtle!"  They were the ones who followed a giant sea turtle (several feet long) as it swam into shore right out in front of me.  And they were the ones who, after we all saw the turtle under the water, shared a moment of purest bliss with me.  We were strangers, but as our heads came up from under the water, our faces all mirrored the same amazing emotion, huge smiles from ear to ear as we looked at each other completely speechless, in awe of nature, in love with life.

It's all about perspective, and taking a moment to look back from any given situation from a better view.  And how about that view! 

There are so many ridiculously silly things that happen throughout our lives, and so many miniscule events and interactions that shape way too many of our life experiences.  Eggshells have no right spoiling our breakfasts, and things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.  Life's too fucking short!

Happy Birthday, Andy!

May 22, 2014.

Andy and I have been together over 12 years now, and I've become a happier and happier person because of him.

Today's his birthday, so I want to spend today's reflection telling you a little bit about him.  Maybe you already know some of this, or maybe it'll all come as a surprise.  Either way, I hope you enjoy reading about this incredible man I'm blessed to have in my life.  [The picture I'm attaching here is from our 2012 trip to Maui.  You should be able to click on the photo for a larger size too.  And then click the X in the top right to go back here if you do.]

Born in Trinidad, Andy is the son of a Trini dad with European roots, and a Chinese mom, who actually left Communist China with her mother when she was just a little girl.  When Andy was only eight years old, his parents took his brother and him out of school, and they all moved up to Long Island, New York, where he's been living ever since.  His tastes in food and really in life reflect his background and parents.  Perhaps it's yet another reason we get along so well too.  As a monk, I learned to see the world as an outsider would, and as an immigrant from Trinidad (just like my dad was from Ireland too), Andy learned right away how different America was from his roots back home in the islands.

He doesn't like being in the spotlight, but that's one of the most lovable things about him (among many, many more of course).  He's just a sweet, gentle, loving soul, who gives so much more of himself than he gets in return.  Andy loves watching the news, the latest reality police or criminal-chasing show, and especially Anthony Bourdain.  If you walked into our living room on any given evening, you'd probably find Andy laying back on the couch with his legs crossed, one flip flop hanging off his foot, as his mouth is curved into a smile at whatever cool or silly thing he just saw on TV.  He'd tell you about what just happened on the show if you walked in late, and encourage you to see what's going on for yourself. 

The thing most people don't know about Andy is that he's a silent sponge, hearing everything you say even if he doesn't comment in the moment, but who will happily toss back a memory or phrase a week or even a month later when you least expect it.  He's actually really, really hysterical when he does this, especially because it often comes from left field.  One moment he seems very serious, and the next you're just howling with laughter at the verbal jab he's just thrown back at you. 

Of course he's made fun of my love of Broadway a hundred different ways, but never with animosity, always just in a playful way.  He might suggest without a smile that I could go to yet another Broadway show, or, if I'd like, I could pay the bills instead.  The smile comes a beat later, and lets me know that as serious as he was being about the need to pay the bills and save money, he still doesn't hate me for enjoying Broadway so much.

And that's his style in all things really.  He's this source of love, the sunshine in my life, who's happy to keep pouring out his love, even when I'm not appreciating him or the needs of our household as much as I should be. 

He's a happy, loving man who wishes the world and her people were nicer, and he gets genuinely angry when people are bigoted, racist, homophobic, or otherwise just hateful to other human beings.  He aches to be a high schooler again now, only because he sees how much better the world has gotten since we were in school.  And through it all, he's just a passionate, wonderful, sweet, gentle-natured soul who everyone enjoys talking with.

And so today, May 22nd, is his birthday. 

When I ask him what he'd like, he most often replies, "You don't have to get me anything."  And he means it!  He'll love your gift, whatever it is, and he'll thank you and appreciate it, but he's genuinely fine without the attention and love shown to him. (Yet another reason why he should get oodles of love and attention today!)

Andy is a sweet, beautiful guy, and my love for him has no bounds.  He is the sunshine in my life, the joy in my smile, and just the greatest love I've ever known.  Happy Birthday, Andy!  May your joy of life only double in the year ahead, and may everything wonderful always come your way!!!