Your Perception of You

March 12, 2015 
Day 316

Have you ever looked in the mirror at home and wondered, What do other people really think of me?  What do they make of me, who I am, how I talk, how I smile, what I'm doing with my life?

Maybe you don't consciously do it too much, but we all do it from time to time.  We stare at ourselves in the mirror--really stare at ourselves--and try our best to see ourselves 100% objectively.  Maybe we like the results, and maybe we don't.  It all depends on how we're feeling that morning (and whether or not we've even washed our faces yet).

We all have two major self-worth components built into the fabric of our beings: one is the part of ourselves hardwired to self-preservation and self-love (in every good way), and the other is a mess of self-doubt tangled up inside us like an old pile of wires.  The self-love part sustains most of us almost all of the time.  We brush our hair and otherwise "clean up" for the world each day.  We walk out the door without expecting anyone to insult our looks or critique the way we walk--we just don't even think about it.  But the self-doubt part is always there too, often buried deep, yet so easily accessible in our darkest moments, and it's always ready to remind us how tangled up we are inside.

So I like to stop and think about this sometimes: what do my friends, family, coworkers, and other people in my life really think of me?  Do I come across like someone who's got his shit together, or do they see the tangled cords of self-doubt looming just beneath my surface?  Do they judge me for my weight or my age, wonder why I dress myself the way I do, comb my hair the way I do, or why I do this, that, or the other thing I'm always doing?  Or do they feel like I'm doing well for myself?  Do they love my writing?  Do they hate my writing?  Do they not even realize I write?  Do they like the way I speak?  Do they think I'm funny, or too sad, or too lazy, messy, or even scatterbrained?

I go through all these kinds of thoughts and more, and I just can't figure it out.  I just can't seem to see what the world sees when they see me.  And maybe...maybe that's just how it's supposed to be.  I have just the two eyes, no more hidden underneath my hairline or below the collar of my shirt.  I can't possibly ever hope to see through any other human being's eyes but my own.  So why do I wonder so much what other people think of me?  Why do any of us put ourselves through this kind of exercise so often?

At the end of the day, we've all just got to reconcile our own self-doubt with our own self-worth.  Both forces will always be at work, whether we ever understand them or not.  And the one that wins out in the end?  Well, that'll be the one we listen to most often, so listen wisely.  Think wisely too.  Some self-doubt keeps us in check, but self-worth is a force worth believing in.  Believe in yourself, and trust that your eyes are working very well when they see your beautiful face smiling back at you from the mirror!

Perception

February 17, 2015
Day 293

I've been thinking a lot about perception lately.  It's one of the world's greatest problems, yet also the one law of human nature we seem to ignore most often.  We're all just stuck in our own heads, looking out through the same two eyes all the time, not seeing what or how the rest of humanity does.

A skewed perception of ourselves and how we come across can be very detrimental.  We may have no clue how our postings on social media come across, or how people feel when they're around us.  I went through an awful year-long period of clinical depression, and though I thought people saw me as sad and lost, the way I really felt, others described me as just "crazy".

Misperceptions can sometimes be a good thing, though.  Someone lacking skills or so-called traditional beauty may feel they really have one or both of these, and simply exuding a high level of confidence can help them get past any obstacles in the workplace or in society.  I might perceive someone as being less than attractive, while others may see that same person as the most attractive person ever.  Fact and perception can be interchangeable!

Likewise, I've known plenty of people I'd call drop-dead sexy who look in the mirror and think poorly of themselves.  Their self-perception isn't swayed by the compliments of others, because something behind their own eyes in the mirror still truly believes otherwise.

We see people of other races and religions than us, and the first thing our eyes see is the difference, the characteristics of the soul across from us that vary from the characteristics we have.  We miss the fact that we both love ice cream, a good romantic comedy, and living a moral life.  We miss all the similarities that are usually there, because all our eyes or brains see are the differences.

Perception is a dangerous, dangerous law of nature.  We all perceive completely false facts every single day, and we all let slip an unfair judgment here and there the way we would a burp.  And no matter how much we wrap our minds around the concept of perception, we're all still lost, because we can't comprehend that each person staring back at us through their own eyes has a completely different perception too: a different perception about us, a different perception about humanity, and a different perception about themselves.

Anaïs Nin wrote, "We don't see things as they are.  We see them as we are."  For years you've heard the phrase, "Until you've walked in the shoes of another..." but perhaps a better reminder is this: until you've stared out at the world through the eyes of another, you cannot know even a fraction of that which can be seen and understood.  Outside of some Being John Malkovich-esque reality, we will never have this gift as human beings.  We will never, ever understand exactly how another person sees and thinks.  It remains a great mystery, as it always will be, that we simply cannot ever hope to fully appreciate another person's viewpoint the way they do.  We have not seen through their eyes, and so we must forever respect the mystery, and respect the perceptions we will never, ever know.