Lowering My Expectations

March 25, 2015
Day 329

I'm noticing this more and more lately, and I'm not saying it goes hand in hand with turning 40, but man!  As you get older, you'll see what I mean.  You just learn at some point that if you don't lower your expectations for people, you'll literally drive yourself insane.

Case in point: younger friends and family members.  If someone's 25 or under, I simply can't expect to have the same relationship with them as I would with someone older.  They care more about their phone than me (not even a joke), they have schoolwork and friends that have nothing to do with me and my life, and there are a hundred other life concerns that will always keep them from replying to my messages, or even just reaching out to say hi.

I finally get what all the "old people" in my life always seemed to be bitching and complaining about over the years.  You never write.  You never visit.  You never call.  I'm there now--already!  I see it happening, and I start to get upset about it, but then I do it: I lower my expectations.  I sigh, and I let it go.  He has his own life and she has her own friends.  I can't expect them to make this friendship or relationship any stronger than it is right now, because they just are their age and I am mine.  Though I see them as part of my world, they clearly do not see me as part of their world.  It's just the way it is.

Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and just all other people out there over 30, have you seen this happen in your own lives?  Do these words resonate with you as well?  If so, join me in letting it go.  Join me here and now in releasing all expectations for conversations that will never happen, or last 10 minutes longer than you know it will.  Young people are in a different head space, and that's simply all there is to it.  So pull up a chair, and talk to me instead.  I'm all ears.  We can have each other.  What is it you want to talk about?  Oh, wait, hang on a second...let me just text her back first.

Demographically Challenged

May 8, 2014.

It's pretty much impossible to go to a mall and not find people of virtually all ages there, whether they're walking past you down a thoroughfare, annoying you on line by standing too close, or just flopped across a bench, taking up three seats too many.  Even when race and nationality are consistently the same in a given mall, you'll still see babies, senior citizens, and everyone in between.  The mall is open for business, which means they'll happily take your money no matter how young or old you are.

That said, there's a distinct change that happens somewhere in your 30s.  You start going to the mall, and you suddenly feel...different.  It's not forced on you, and no one's stopping you from shopping, but you start to feel like this is a younger person's world, and you're just being permitted to walk through it.  I'm sure the older you get, the stronger this feeling gets, and probably the easier it is to accept, but in your 30s, this is still a very new feeling, and one you can't help but notice.

When I turned 30, I didn't feel any different, and I didn't consider it anything horrible, just as I don't think 40 is either.  When I was 30, I could say I was still in my twenties just weeks or months earlier, depending on when you asked me.  But then I turned 31.

When you're 31, you're officially in the midst of your 30s.  There's no looking back anymore.  That's it, mister or miss 30-something.  You may as well get used to it, because there is absolutely no going back.  And this feeling pretty much stays the same for 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, and even 38.  By 39 though, you start obsessing about turning 40, to the point of writing about it every damn day. 

Okay, so that might just be me!

But yeah, whether I'm meant to have had this feeling or not, it's definitely come my way.  I am an older guy, a parent-aged person in this world, not one of the cool young kids I see at the mall.  Sure, the store-owners are less suspicious of me, and they know I've supposedly got more money than the teenagers do (I don't), but overall, the mall culture is built around the teens and 20-somethings. 

And beyond the mall culture, I am literally in a different demographic now.  Forget 18-35.  That's gone bye-bye now.  Now I'm in the 36-50 or at least 36-45 age range.  It's not morally inferior, but ask most young people and they'll confirm: I'm officially old.  I don't look old, I don't feel old, and I'm not really old, but for the purposes of what youth is and what it isn't, I no longer qualify. 

Thankfully, my demographic is the one that is now moving the world.  The youth of today are as inspired and inspiring as ever, and no one doubts the power and busyness of so many senior citizens, but it's the bulk of us in our adult lives who have the power and influence to get things done, to change the world, and lead our younger sisters and brothers forward.  Our demographic may not be the Disney or Divergent demographic, but we are the ones who make the movies and the TV shows, who write the stories, who are charged with the age-old responsibility of bridging the gap, of teaching the new world what we know of the older world, and showing the older world how great the future can and should be.

Being demographically challenged doesn't really mean anything.  It's not even a real challenge!  It just means facing facts, accepting reality, and honoring the person we are now.  We're not kids anymore, and that's...okay!  Feeling older can be a good thing, especially when it helps us take ownership of the responsibilities of our generation.  We have our calling too, and we have our mission.  This is our world, and age has nothing whatsoever to do with substance and drive. 

Move over, kid.  I get to sit on this bench too.