My radio station would be W.H.A.T.

May 25, 2014.

Last night, I found myself in one of those time portals only guys like me in their first of many mid-life crises goes through.  We were listening to older music (like from way back in the 80s), and I began fearing judgment from my younger guests.  "Quick," I whispered, "Put something new on!"  We quickly moved onto some Miley and Macklemore, so I breathed a little easier.

It's just one of those rites of passage all humans seem to go through, so I don't hate it too much, but at some point, you crave "your" music more than "their" music, the music of today.  And yet, that isn't my real problem.  I like all kinds of music...even though I'm admittedly trapped in the 80s for the rest of my life.

My real problem, though, is that I don't even know who's singing half the time, and can't sing along!  I will immediately start moving with the music when it's a familiar tune, and I have many, many favorite songs like this, but I can't recite the lyrics like everyone else.  I can't even tell you if it's Pink, Blondie, or K, E, dollar sign ha.  "What year did this song come out?"  "I don't know, sometime between 1980 and today.  Hope that helps?"

In school, especially high school, I felt like such an idiot for not knowing the kinds of facts all my friends seemed to pull from a part of their brain I didn't seem to have.  If someone asked what year a song was released, I'd stare at them perplexed, like I was working on it, thinking, remembering, and then when they guessed some random year, I'd start agreeing quickly, "Yeah, I think that's right."  Of course there was no chance I could remember the lyric, the singer, or the year, because that information never, ever went into my brain in the first place!

So most of my adult life, including last night, I've just been resigned to admit I am a complete idiot when it comes to these things.  I hope, when my true moron nature is revealed in moments like that, my friends will remember I do have some talents in other fields.  I pray they see me not just for the gigantic mass of brainless human I am, but instead remember that somewhere inside my head, other brain cells have just focused on other things.

I do love 80s music, and I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit it, especially so-called Alternative 80s music like The Smiths and The Cure.  So judge me all you like, and call me an irrelevant old guy, but I'll stay happily trapped in the euphoria of a bygone age probably forever.  It's just where I feel most at peace, and most at home.

Sing to me, Morrissey.  Wish me an unhappy birthday, because I'm evil and I lie.  Yeah, man.  Nice.

Demographically Challenged

May 8, 2014.

It's pretty much impossible to go to a mall and not find people of virtually all ages there, whether they're walking past you down a thoroughfare, annoying you on line by standing too close, or just flopped across a bench, taking up three seats too many.  Even when race and nationality are consistently the same in a given mall, you'll still see babies, senior citizens, and everyone in between.  The mall is open for business, which means they'll happily take your money no matter how young or old you are.

That said, there's a distinct change that happens somewhere in your 30s.  You start going to the mall, and you suddenly feel...different.  It's not forced on you, and no one's stopping you from shopping, but you start to feel like this is a younger person's world, and you're just being permitted to walk through it.  I'm sure the older you get, the stronger this feeling gets, and probably the easier it is to accept, but in your 30s, this is still a very new feeling, and one you can't help but notice.

When I turned 30, I didn't feel any different, and I didn't consider it anything horrible, just as I don't think 40 is either.  When I was 30, I could say I was still in my twenties just weeks or months earlier, depending on when you asked me.  But then I turned 31.

When you're 31, you're officially in the midst of your 30s.  There's no looking back anymore.  That's it, mister or miss 30-something.  You may as well get used to it, because there is absolutely no going back.  And this feeling pretty much stays the same for 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, and even 38.  By 39 though, you start obsessing about turning 40, to the point of writing about it every damn day. 

Okay, so that might just be me!

But yeah, whether I'm meant to have had this feeling or not, it's definitely come my way.  I am an older guy, a parent-aged person in this world, not one of the cool young kids I see at the mall.  Sure, the store-owners are less suspicious of me, and they know I've supposedly got more money than the teenagers do (I don't), but overall, the mall culture is built around the teens and 20-somethings. 

And beyond the mall culture, I am literally in a different demographic now.  Forget 18-35.  That's gone bye-bye now.  Now I'm in the 36-50 or at least 36-45 age range.  It's not morally inferior, but ask most young people and they'll confirm: I'm officially old.  I don't look old, I don't feel old, and I'm not really old, but for the purposes of what youth is and what it isn't, I no longer qualify. 

Thankfully, my demographic is the one that is now moving the world.  The youth of today are as inspired and inspiring as ever, and no one doubts the power and busyness of so many senior citizens, but it's the bulk of us in our adult lives who have the power and influence to get things done, to change the world, and lead our younger sisters and brothers forward.  Our demographic may not be the Disney or Divergent demographic, but we are the ones who make the movies and the TV shows, who write the stories, who are charged with the age-old responsibility of bridging the gap, of teaching the new world what we know of the older world, and showing the older world how great the future can and should be.

Being demographically challenged doesn't really mean anything.  It's not even a real challenge!  It just means facing facts, accepting reality, and honoring the person we are now.  We're not kids anymore, and that's...okay!  Feeling older can be a good thing, especially when it helps us take ownership of the responsibilities of our generation.  We have our calling too, and we have our mission.  This is our world, and age has nothing whatsoever to do with substance and drive. 

Move over, kid.  I get to sit on this bench too.