My poetic process

July 9, 2014
        Day 70

I thought I'd give you something a little bit different today.  I do a lot of prose writing these days, between my books and this year-long reflection collection, but I also really enjoy writing poetry any chance I get.  So I thought I might just write a short poem here, and then edit it, and show you the process I usually go through.  If you don't want to read the majority of this post, you can just look to the end and read the finished poem.

To begin, I write a first draft...

Imagined scenes of beach dunes
waving the length of the boardwalk,
the walk of the afternoon,
the haze of our small talk.

The sea calls to us like a friend
and we jog down with joy
to see her and feel her company
welcomed by the ploy.

A laugh is shared as we stand there
waiting for the next wave to reach our knees
hoping for the happy chance
to get wetter than we'd planned.

The seagulls circle over,
don't wonder who we are,
but we laugh along with them,
and call out our plan into the wind.

________________
Okay, so that is, by my estimations at least, a very poor poem.  It's just my first draft though.  I need to form it into a better version of itself.  So I look at choices I made and words I used, and I begin thinking about ways to refine the poem.  I like to use rhyme when I can, but I don't always do so.  This time though, I think I will.  I also take note of the word "planned", and remind myself of the word "sand".  After these quick glances and thoughts, I get to work on the next draft.

Draft 2:

I imagine all the beach dunes
waving along the boardwalk,
the daze of the afternoon,
and the haze of our small talk.

The sea calls to us like a friend,
and we jog down with laughs,
to see and feel her embrace,
immersed in refreshing baths.

A smile shared as we stand there
waiting with our feet in the sand,
hoping for the happy chance
to get wetter than thought or planned.

The seagulls are circling overhead,
they don't wonder at all why we're there,
but we laugh along with their calls,
and the breeze is a gift that we share.

________________
The second draft above helped me seal a lot of things up, find my rhyme, delete what didn't work and find what I could, but I still need one last go of it now.  I spent too much time to leave it where it is (about 7-10 minutes on each draft).  I need to honor it now with a third and final (I hope) draft...

Draft 3:

I can still see all the beach dunes
waving along past the boardwalk,
the haze of that afternoon,
and the joys of our small talk.

The sea calls us like a friend,
and we jog down quickly with laughs,
to see and feel her embrace,
craving refreshment of her bath.

A smile is exchanged in a glance
wading with our feet in the sand,
hoping for the happier chance
to get wetter than thought or planned.

The seagulls still circle overhead,
don't wonder at all why we're there,
but we laugh along with their calls,
and the breeze is the gift that we share.

________________
Okay, so I'm often done by now, but I'm not.  Something's still off.  I didn't count my syllables, and I need to.  So this fourth and absolutely final run-through is just to perfect the poem as best I can:

Step 1 of this final draft: Count syllables without changing anything.

I can still see all the beach dunes (8)
waving along past the boardwalk, (8)
the haze of that afternoon, (7)
and the joys of our small talk. (7)

The sea calls us like a friend, (7)
and we jog down quickly with laughs, (8)
to see and feel her embrace, (7)
craving refreshment of her bath. (8)

A smile is exchanged in a glance (8)
wading with our feet in the sand, (8)
hoping for the happier chance (8)
to get wetter than thought or planned. (8)

The seagulls still circle overhead, (9)
don't wonder at all why we're there, (8)
but we laugh along with their calls, (8)
and the breeze is the gift that we share. (9)
_____________________
Though I love 7-syllable lines in my poetry, I seem to have fashioned more of an 8-syllable one here, so I'm not going to argue with that.  What I need to do now is change the 7- and 9-syllable lines into 8-syllable lines for the best flow.  While doing this, I often change more.

Step 2 of final: Fix and finish to arrive at final product:


That day

I can still see all the beach dunes
waving along past the boardwalk,
the summer haze of afternoon,
and memories of our small talk.

The sea calls to us like a friend,
and we jog down quickly with laughs,
to see and to feel her embrace,
to rest and refresh in her bath.

A smile is exchanged in a glance
wading with our feet in the sand,
hoping for the happier chance
to get wetter than ever planned.

The seagulls still fly overhead,
don't wonder at all why we're there,
but we laugh along with their calls,
and the breeze is the gift we share.

Sean Patrick Brennan

_________________________
And that's it.  I like it!  Maybe I'll go back and change more at some point, but I've come a long way from my first draft.  I hope you like the finished product above, but even if you don't, I hope you've learned something from my poetic process!