In defense of blah

November 2, 2014
Day 186

Over the past almost 40 years, I've heard plenty of excuses.  We're not going to be there because of this strange issue.  I can't make the party because of that thing or another.  We won't be there because this strange thing happened, and it's just messing everything up now. 

On some occasions, you just know a person is telling the truth, but on others, you find yourself in doubt. 

I don't know when this part of me clicked on, but at some point, I just became the kind of person who uses "I don't feel like it" as an excuse, and truth be told, I wish others would use this too.  There's a bold honesty there, I think, and it's not easy just coming right out and saying so.  Sometimes in life, you just feel completely blah, and you don't want to go to a party or event.  And that's...okay.

This morning, I knew I was going to be feeling blah.  I mean, I just totally knew it.  Last night at my Halloween party, I was starting to feel blah.  I'd had a very long, hard day.  I was cleaning and sneezing a lot (my dust allergies getting the better of me), and by the time evening came, I was already feeling quite done.  It was truly a "stick a fork in me and pull me out of the oven now" kind of done.  I enjoyed myself at the party, but I was already dreading getting up this morning.

And today is the annual American Foundation for Suicide Prevention walk, an event I really enjoy doing.  It lifts my spirits, and brings me closer to nature and Heaven in a beautiful way every year.  But my blah just wasn't going to have it. 

Now I've titled this piece "In defense of blah" because I truly believe when blah hits, you're allowed to honor it with the truth of itself.  Sometimes, you're going to feel blah, and there's no shaking it off without a fight.  I'd say sometimes you should shake it off with a fight, but this morning wasn't one of those moments.  This morning, I needed to let my blah take over, and let me just sleep in.

So for the part of me that still feels guilty about missing this special event, I feel blah.  For the part of me that wishes I shook it off and went anyway, despite all my excuses (the rain last night would make for a muddy walk, the wind this morning could make for treacherous conditions, the fundraising work is more important than the actual walking part, and so on), I feel blah.  And I also just feel blah because I just feel blah! 

I defend the blah because I don't feel like fighting it right now.  In fact, right now all I want to do is go back to bed and sleep all day long, not shower and get dressed for my plans this afternoon, but I'm not going to let the blah completely conquer me.  I let the blah win the battle of this morning, but I don't intend to let him run away with my whole day.

To my friends who walked this morning, I sincerely apologize for missing the event.  I let my blah win, and that's all I can say in my defense.  To my blah, I'll say this much: I'll let you win some rounds, and I'll even defend you in some ways as I have here, but I won't let you beat me down completely.  I plan to beat you in the next few hours in fact, so be prepared!  In the mean time though...blah!