On The Defensive

February 28, 2015
Day 304

Later today, a few friends and I have planned to do an online defensive driving course together.  We figured that if we've got to sit in front of a computer for five to six hours, we may as well have friends nearby to sympathize, because they'd be going through the same thing.

As I thought about the course though, I realized it was a helpful starting point to talk about being defensive.  A manager back in my A&P days once said to me, "You're always so defensive," and it really hit me.  Other friends have called me out on being too qualifying, always following up a statement with a "but" or "if"-like phrase.  And it's true.  I was like that, and I still am. 

Why?

Because I believe in keeping things open all the time, even when I want to shut someone up or even shut them completely out of my life.  I often think about the end goal of Heaven, where we'll all be united in love...and lest my nonreligious friends grow uncomfortable, let me qualify once again: I'm an idealist, even for life here on Earth.  I've seen the power of forgiveness and love work profound changes in people's lives who have no business being friends, let alone even talking to one another. 

I'm on the defensive all the time, because I know I should second guess myself more often, and I clearly see how many others should second guess themselves all the time too.  Instead, we go on the offensive way too much.  We bury our feet in the sand, we cross our arms and put on a smug face, and we say what we believe is right, and we swear we'll never, ever budge. 

Being "on the defensive" can be a bad thing when we do it offensively, with our arms crossed and feet buried in the sand, unwilling to move from our beliefs or creeds.  When we're on the defensive in an open way though, when we're willing to put ourselves out there in the world in a manner that will sometimes mean we get hit, we can better learn to adapt, to learn, and to grow. 

Sometimes, being on the defensive just means steering the wheel away from aggressive "drivers" in life, but if you learn to do it well, it can also mean teaching others by example, showing others how cautious, conscientious, and open-minded you are behind your own steering wheel.