Bitchin' Buddies

June 28, 2014
           Day 59

Back when I was living in the monastery, I learned a few words and phrases I'll never forget. 

One was "cinderfella", the brother who had to do the dishes while two other brothers cooked the evening's meal. 

Another was "particular friendships" which inferred a friendship that might have un-monk-like benefits attached.  It wasn't discussed much at all, and the phrase doesn't necessarily infer something sexual, but it certainly hinted very strongly in that direction!

And a third, the one I'd like to mention here, is "bitchin' buddies".  Bitchin' buddies are the pals you find in life who will let you complain about anything, who will be there for you when you need to just unload all your negativity.  Someone who's your bitchin' buddy, we were taught, will not just become the unfortunate receptacle of your venom; they'll expect you to take on all their negativity too! And it's just not healthy.  It's not healthy to keep a friend who you get that negative with, that often.

There's a wonderful Spanish proverb: "Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you," so the person you just love hearing all the dirt from?  Well, they just love telling others about your dirt too!  So be careful!  Gossip of any kind is dangerous, and if you truly care about a loved one, you'll talk to the person in question about your issue, instead of about them to another friend.

We all do this, to some degree or another, but I'd be willing to guess you already know how guilty or innocent you are of this compared to others.

Being someone else's bitchin' buddy is allowing them to not only share their gripes about life with you, but allowing them to be this kind of person who's constantly complaining too.  We can all be the kind of friend who listens with love, counsels our loved ones with love, and yes, even lets our loved ones vent a bit to calm down.  But there's a big difference between allowing someone to vent, and allowing them to live in this head space of anger and judgment about other people. 

We're no longer being a good friend when we affirm the toxic beliefs and hateful words from our loved ones.  We're no longer helping them by just agreeing all the time, and refusing to correct them for fear of rocking the boat. 

Instead, we all deserve better from each other.  We all deserve truth and love and care from our closest friends, and if we cannot be truthful in a loving way, if we cannot correct a person in a careful, gentle manner, then we are not too close with them after all. 

A bitchin' buddy lets you bitch away to your heart's content about others, and a bitchin' buddy bitches away to you about their own annoyances.  But a true friend only lets you go so far.  A true friend will let you vent, let you cry on their shoulder, let you unload a bit, before they eventually help you stay calm, and help you find positivity again.  And it's these kinds of friends we can always rely on to keep us truly sane, and truly happy!