Cleaning House

October 29, 2014
Day 182

I'm not a neat freak, and I say that with confidence as well as clarification, because you might've guessed from my proofreading and other obsessive-compulsive behavior that this carried into the mystical Land of Cleanliness as well.  It does not. 

I will say, in some cases, I can be a tad bit silly about things (if you ask Andy, he might use a stronger word than "silly", something more like idiotic or insane, but I digress).  At any rate, there are times when my OCD for neatness does become, well, extreme.

If I've just cleaned the kitchen, and Andy dares place a used coffee mug beside the sink, I might quickly grow annoyed to the point of being stupidly angry in an unapologetic fashion. 

For the most part though, all quirks and unmedicated behavioral disorders aside, I am not actually a neat freak.  Dust bunnies, dust layers, dust films, and indeed even dust webs can usually be found in every corner of my house, and often between the corners as well. 

It is partially the fault of the home's owners, Andy and me, but it is also the fault of our housekeeper.  She never comes to clean the house.  Never.  And the fact that we've never hired a housekeeper has nothing to do with it.  She should have appeared one day anyway, we tell ourselves.  She should have been driving by and just sensed our need and rang our doorbell.  "Yes!" we'd have exclaimed, "Thank you for finding us and offering to help.  Please come right in, and start work immediately."  But she still hasn't done that.  No one who has ever rung our doorbell has offered said service, so our house is doomed to remain the dusty wasteland it is.

So what do I do to keep it generally clean and free from at least the thick layers of dust?  I plan parties.  I invite some friends and family over on a certain date, and the sole reason for the event is predetermined by this need to clean.  No, we don't really wish to celebrate Halloween or the holidays.  No, no, no, there was never any desire to watch the Golden Globes or sing Happy Birthday.  We just do these as rouses!  They're just cheap excuses that force us to clean the house! 

And so far, it's working.  Our guests have no idea, and we play it all off to perfection!  Ha, ha, ha, jingle bells, ha, ha, ha, Happy New Year, ha, ha, ha, Academy Awards.  All as we've just finished putting away the broom and dustpan.  The dustrag hasn't yet settled itself back in the cabinet when the doorbell rings for the first time at each event.  And once the party's over, we look at the calendar and pre-plan.  Ahh, looks like it's almost Christmas.  I guess we ought to run that dishwasher now.