Coming Out Day

October 11, 2014
Day 164

Each year when this day arrived, I'd think about whether or not I was ready yet to tell the world my biggest secret, and year after year, I just wasn't.  Year after year, it arrived, it left, and I was left alone with this humongous truth about myself I feared I'd never be able to share.

According to the Wikipedia article on National Coming Out Day, it was created in 1988 by Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary, and gained national recognition in 1990.  The date was chosen because it was the anniversary of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

I didn't come out in 1990, and didn't in 1991 through 1996 either.  It took me until 1997, when I was 21 years old, to say the words out loud to another person, and myself, for the very first time.  And you'd think that 17 years later, things would be easier, that people would share their truth left and right all the time.  But it's not.  The amount of people still suffering silently with their true identity is staggering.  I hear from people all the time who are just stuck, scared, frightened of the ramifications in their personal life or work situation.

For the past two years, I shared the National Coming Out Day notice on my personal Facebook page, and I'll be doing it again this year too.  And in both of those past two years, after I reminded everyone I was a safe person to confide in, I received a private message from someone telling me their truth.  In neither case did I have any previous guess or assumption about the person other than 100% heterosexuality, but in both cases, I was trusted with a secret.

We all have our secrets, whether they're the silliest little things like habits we keep from the public, or bigger secrets like skeletons in our closets (hopefully not real ones!).  Keeping secrets is just something we learn to do over time.  We have trouble trusting other people, because we've just been totally burnt too many times.  It feels safer to keep a secret than to share a truth, no matter how treasured and special that truth is to us.

I don't say it often, because people make fun of me for it, but I'm technically bisexual.  I have an interest in both men and women.  Since I'm more like 95% homosexual, I don't even talk about it much.  It isn't something that changes who I really am, and the 5% bi-curious part of me isn't a big component of my identity.  To some degree, neither is the 95% homosexual part of me. 

Yet I share my truth here and elsewhere because I want my otherwise heterosexual loved ones to know that having this tiny bit of ourselves that's a little bit different is nothing to be ashamed of.  Neither does it mean you will ever act on it, or explore the curiosity in any way.  It just means you recognize it and own it, and when you share the truth with others, you'll find it's not such a crazy fact really, and certainly nothing worthy of shame.  Sharing it with loved ones who will keep your secret safe will make you feel a lot less alone, too.

So today, I wish you all a very happy National Coming Out Day. 

Maybe you're straight...great!  Maybe you're gay...yay!  Or maybe you're bi-curious or bi...hi! :)  No matter what your technicality on the spectrum is though, if you're anything other than 100% heterosexual, I hope you'll consider talking to others about it.  Don't be scared.  Talking about it doesn't mean you have to do anything about it, but with all secrets, it does certainly help to share yourself with trusted loved ones, people who will hear your truth, and love you no matter what!