Sometimes, I'm an ass

October 8, 2014
Day 161


Today's blog entry will be both difficult and intriguing at the same.  I'll be exploring the many ways in which I can be an ass, but also checking to see how many people choose to read this entry more than the rest.

My tendency to act like an ass began in childhood, when I found that the more bizarre my behavior was, the more interest people seemed to take.  If I said or did something extra strange, for instance, more eyes would look my way, however squinted or dagger-shooting they may have been.  Ahh, I thought, this behavior will get me this result.  Okay then, let's try some similar approaches.

By high school, my desire to be an ass took a backseat at times, especially as I began struggling to keep my grades up, and eventually failed out of my first high school.  Bettering my situation suddenly became much more important than bettering my not-so-comedic routines.

Likewise in college, I slowed down quite a bit, having to master the life of a monk for just over four years.  Acting like an ass doesn't just get you strange looks in the monastery.  It gets you meetings with the Novice Master.

BUT HOW, you might ask, do I now most exhibit such asinine behavior?  Well my darlings, I'll tell you the truth.  I do it in a myriad of ways, of course, but here are just a few of them...

I judge people unnecessarily for their poor spelling and grammar, eating habits (as if I'm anyone to talk!), smoking habits, drinking habits, and gossip habits.  I am likewise a spectacular ass when I take my partner Andy for granted, or hit on other guys (usually in a most asininely nervous way), or otherwise just act like an atypical idiot male human being. 

But wait: there's more!  I am also an ass when I act like I deserve more readers or more sales from my books, when I pout like a baby when I'm not the center of attention due to my writing or for any other reason.  I am furthermore an ass when I turn any conversation back to myself at any opportunity, when I direct or order people around unnecessarily, or when I just act like I am better than anyone else in any way.

Friends, these are just some of the many ways I can be an absolute, unimaginable, unlikable ass! 

Am I an ass all of the time?  No.  But this blog entry isn't about those better times; it's about those many, many times I am not on my best behavior. 

And I divulge this greatest of non-secrets (certainly no secret to many of my loved ones) because I care so very much about you all, and want you to see how great I am to have said all this.  Whoops.  See?!  There I go again!!!