My weird date with Igor, the Gap guy

August 21, 2014
Day 113

I thought things might be weird as soon as he told me his name.  It was one of the weirdest names a man could have, so it just didn't bode well.  To protect his privacy though, I'll call him Igor.

Igor and I met at a mall parking lot one afternoon, where I left my car and got in his.  When we first met, he did one of those half pull-downs on his sunglasses, in a kind of, "Aren't I just the hottest guy you've ever met?" kind of way.  He wasn't.  And what followed was so strange, it was almost alarming.  First, we went to a Gap store he worked at.  Maybe Igor wanted to pick up a check, or see a friend, I don't remember.  We got there, and Igor did his thing, talking to people there and leaving me alone.  Fine.  Whatever.  I can deal with this, I thought.

Then we left the Gap store, and he drove us somewhere else.  To another Gap store.  God knows what he wanted to do there, or why he wanted to bring me along, but that was his plan, and I didn't want to argue with him about it.  We were on a date, and my car was now miles and miles away.

Once Igor showed me this second store and talked to some people there, we were on our way.  Okay, I thought, weird start, but whatever.  Maybe he had to take care of something, and he figured I wouldn't mind too much.  Before I knew it though, we were on our way to a third GAP store!  This, I can tell you with full recollection, was the moment I wanted to scream out, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CRAZY ASSHOLE?! 

Instead, I quietly (impatiently) accepted my fate.  Once we left this third place though, I suggested this was all too much now, and I'd rather just go home.  Igor seemed genuinely surprised, thinking I would have really loved this grand tour of every fucking Gap store in creation.  Strangely enough, I did not.  So he brought me back to my car, we said our goodbyes, and that was that. 

I can't remember if I bought anything that day, but I knew for sure I wasn't going to buy whatever he was selling.  Sorry, Igor.  You're way too weird for me, and the gap between us is far too vast.