Impatience is not a virtue

May 19, 2014.

When I was little, someone taught me this phrase, which has stuck with me my whole life:

"Patience is a virtue.  Possess it if you can.  Seldom found in women.  Never found in man."

I've always had an innate tendency toward impatience.  It may have come from growing up in a house of 10-13 people and fighting over bathroom or TV rights, I'm not sure.  I just know I've always struggled to remain patient, and the older I get, the more I work against its pull.  Turning 39 though has also reminded me that slowing things down a bit is a very good thing, and maybe rushing around so much is counter-intuitive to enjoying a long, happy life.

I guess we all like the idea of remaining patient, because somewhere in our head, we imagine good things coming to those who wait....another phrase we all picked up along the way!

But patience isn't easy when you're stuck behind a wall of traffic on the parkway, already running late to work.  It isn't easy when you're looking down at the scale to see how your diet and exercise regimen is going, when you know you can't change any of the numbers on that scale for the moment. 

And patience isn't easy when you're at a live concert like the one I went to this weekend, and a lady two rows in front of you has decided to very, VERY slowly type a text to a friend.  The lights have gone out and the band is playing, but this woman has decided her cellphone's light is a better attraction for the audience to look at.  She's made the command decision to entertain us all as she slowly searches for the keys one at a time, as if she's never typed before in her frickin' life.  "I-'-M...A-T...A...C-O-N-C-E-R-T.  W-H-A-T...A-R-E...Y-O-U...D-O-I-N-G?" I imagine she writes.  My patience is nonexistent in moments like this.  Instead, my desire to rip out my soul for a minute for safe keeping, as I leap over the seats and begin smashing the cellphone over her skull takes over.

[Deep breaths, Sean, deep breaths.  Ohmmmmm.  Namaste.  Love.  Allhappythoughts.  Ohmmmm.]

What have I learned from patience so far?  I've learned that patience is considered a virtue because it's so hard!  Unlike breathing, eating, talking, and living, which are realities we all live with, patience is called a virtue because we have to aspire to it.  In other words, it's not innate in everyone!  How cool is that?! 

So the next time you feel impatient, you should allow yourself to feel, well, normal!  And if you're feeling particularly virtuous, then you can go ahead and be patient.  It may not be the stuff of sainthood, but it's a healthy step above ripping that woman's cellphone from her selfish little fingers and destroying it in a million tiny little pieces on the floor, as you cackle right in front of her indignant, shock-filled face!

Ohmmm.  Ohmmm.  Ohmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!