Perspective

May 15, 2014.

Perspective is everything. 

When I reached my 18th birthday, I had already decided to dedicate my life to the service of others as a Roman Catholic monk.  I received a very clear calling from God to do this, and so I listened and happily obeyed.

When I reached my 21st birthday, I was feeling great about my school work and my grades, and I'd begun writing more and more in my private journals.  Living as a monk was difficult a lot of the time, but with each passing year, I felt like I was finally getting the hang of it all, and life was great.

When I reached my 22nd birthday, I was suffering with clinical depression.  My religious superiors wouldn't allow me to get the medicine my doctor told me I needed, and they wouldn't let me tell anyone what I was going through either.  Instead of letting others know I was seeing a psychologist every week for an often debilitating illness, I was instructed to instead just lie, and say I was going to speak with a priest in the other community.  I was sure now that I was gay, and felt more trapped and lonely than ever before.

When I reached my 25th birthday, I was already out of the religious order for almost three years, living with friends in a house share down by the beach.  My father had died the summer before, and my spirituality was just beginning to blossom in new ways.  Reaching my 25th birthday was like finally coming alive, even though I still hadn't really begun dating much.

When I reached my 30th birthday, I was already with my partner Andy for three and a half years.  My mother had just died the autumn before, and Andy and I had now moved out of our family homes, and gotten an apartment together. 

When I reached my 35th birthday, I was now a homeowner for almost a year, having purchased a house with my partner Andy.  I had a great job as a proofreader with Publishers Clearing House, and even got to surprise people with money a few times.  Though life had dealt me some very difficult times too, things were generally good, and I was happy.

By the time I reach my 40th birthday, I will have already been out of college and the monastic life for 18 years.  It will have already been 15 years since I lived with friends down by the beach.  It will be over 10 years since my mom died, and over 15 years since my dad died.  I'll have been with my partner Andy for over 13 years, we'll have been in our home for over six years, and I'll have been at my current wonderful job for four years.  I'll have also published my first three books by then, and already preparing the fourth for publication as well.

I can't say I would have seen any of the above happening just a year before each of them did.  But life does that.  It surprises you.  You can plan things out, and keep moving forward, but things just happen.  People just die.  Love finally arrives.  Jobs end and new ones begin.  Sadness and joy just show up, in unequal measures, at different times.  The list of things I can't tell you goes on forever.  The only thing I can tell you for certain is, perspective is everything.