My past 15 years of psychotherapy

May 17, 2014.

When I was 21 years old, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, an illness I'd probably suffered with for several months before I knew what it was.  I spent seven months seeing a psychologist weekly, and by the time I stopped (and I was no longer a monk), I was feeling much, much better.

Here's a letter I wrote to my psychologist about a year and a half after the last time we met.  I'm including only the parts that don't get into personal information.

March 29, 1999.

              
             Thank you very much for your letter.  A friend of mine just asked me a couple of days ago if I’ve fully adjusted yet to “the world” and without hesitation I told him that I hadn’t.  And I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all—rather a good thing—that part of me is still able to look at the world from such a strangely objective view.  I’m very different from my friends sometimes in my naivete towards the “ways of the world,” but I have to think I’m better off for thinking the better of people rather than the worse. 

            ...I haven’t found a boyfriend yet but I’m sure I’m closer now than ever before, so I guess that’s a good thing.  I haven’t tried to rush my life at all, just take things one day at a time, and that plan has worked out just fine so far.  

           ...Well, that’s some of what’s going on in my life.  I have a lot of good friends who I’m very lucky to have. 
        
          ...That’s the part about being a brother I knew I would have trouble with: counseling others while putting my own problems away.  Anyway, I will be forever grateful for all your help, advice and good counsel...

And that's it.  I didn't write him again.  I wanted to, many times, not because I needed to, but just because he had helped me through so much.  I just never did.  So what you see above is the totality of my past 15 years of psychotherapy.

Or is it?

I fully support psychology and psychiatry.  I think seeing a doctor like this and discussing your life can be one of the greatest choices you ever make in life!  My doctor was incredible, and he helped me work through so, so much!  But I also believe we can work things out with friends and family when we open ourselves up.  When we are as honest as we can safely be with those closest to us, we open up much more than our minds; we open up new avenues of communication that we can travel with our loved ones for the entirety of our relationship.  There's absolutely no replacing professional psychotherapy, especially when you absolutely need medicine and professional counseling to help you, but short of this, or even in conjunction with it, I've always found it very helpful to talk openly and honestly with others. 

My seven months of weekly professional psychoanalysis were invaluable, and helped me forevermore.  My doctor was there for me in a time when I couldn't talk to anyone else in the world about what I was going through.  And the 15 years since then have been filled with hundreds of heart-to-heart talks with many, many dear people in my life.  They listened, and they loved.  And I have likewise been changed forever because of them.