Two Seans Walk Into A Bar

May 6, 2014.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.  Two Seans walk into a bar.  The first Sean says, "I can't wait to see what my life will become."  The second smiles, then says, "I'm so happy to see what my life has become." 

It's a fundamental difference in approach.  Yearning for more versus loving what is. 

And for whatever reason, this particular life philosophy conundrum has only really begun to visit my life in the past year.  Maybe it's one of those checkpoints we're all meant to pass in life, sort of a re-evaluation of what truly matters moving forward. 

Part of it has to be because of my books.  I've written and published two books now, and the dreamed-for success just isn't there.  I sold just over a hundred copies of my first book, which believe me, is great!  It was an awesome achievement I'm very happy about, not least of which because it meant many people would actually be reading my book.  And then, this spring, I published my second one, which has only sold 30-something copies total.  Hundreds of friends and family members, and only a few chose to get the second book.  What happened?  Why am I seeing such a dropoff, especially since the second book is 20 times better than the first, and a really, really great book?  Well, I still don't have the answers, but the shock is finally starting to wear off.

Most importantly, it's helping me re-evaluate everything.

My pursuit and realization of writing great literature has not stopped, or even slowed, but my pursuit of success and dreams-come-true has.  I'm learning very slowly now that success is how you define it.  My dream was always to be a writer of great books, not to be a seller of great books.  And as long as I keep using my skills, and keep writing my books, it won't matter how many people read them.  What matters is they're written and available to be read.  I cannot change people's tastes, or loves, or interests of any kind.  I cannot force my loved ones to support me.  I can't force any part of the process, in fact, and my only focus should be on writing the books. 

Instead of yearning for more sales, more people reading my books, or more success in any way whatsoever, I must instead love what I have now, love who I have now, love all of the blessings in my life.

If the success I aim to receive in my life is worth anything, it is because the work itself is based in love.  I love to write.  This is a fact.  I love to write inspiring literature as much as fun, adventurous fiction.  This too is a fact.  And I love hearing from people I don't even know about what they thought about my newest article or story.  There's an incredible thrill in this work, when you Google your articles or stories, and see comments left by people all around the world, praising your words, and thanking you for writing them.  Yes, there is some ego involved with this, but much more than any feeling of self-worth, it lifts up your soul to a selfless-giver mentality.  It makes you want to help others you don't even know, it makes you want to teach others you will never meet in person, and it makes you want to lift, inspire, and connect with souls across the globe.

So am I still yearning for more?  Of course!  But if there's one thing I'm learning right now more than anything else, it's that I've already seen success in a million beautiful ways.  My life is blessed beyond yearning with my beautiful partner and soul mate Andy, our great house, my great job, my love-filled family and friends, and my very happy pursuits as a writer.  I do yearn for more, but I am already loving what already is.

Two Seans are sitting at a bar.  The first Sean asks the bartender for a second drink.  "Okay," the bartender says, and then turning to the second Sean, he adds, "And anything for you?"

"No thanks," he says, "I'm still enjoying this one."