My internet answering machine

October 5, 2014
Day 158

From 2003 to 2005, I had what was called an internet answering machine.  These were the days of dial-up, so my computer and phone line shared the same connection, making it impossible to use both at the same time.

So, because technology was trying very hard to keep up with itself, a service was created--for a small fee--that could siphon your incoming phone calls to a special answering service.  I'd be on my computer back in the day when an alert sound would come up on my screen, notifying me of an incoming call.  I think I had the choice of disconnecting from the internet to take the call, but it was such a slow process, there was just as good a chance I'd miss the call anyway.

What I'm still very grateful to have though are dozens of wav files of phone messages from that time, including three dozen from my mother alone, who died just three months after the last recording I have from her.  The others are from friends, family, and even some from strangers, four of which were wrong-number calls I thought were pretty funny, so I kept them.

These soundbites from the past are now saved for all time, and I hope to load some of them online somewhere soon for others to hear.  They are the voices of people who are still a part of my life in a very special way, whether living or deceased, and because they are messages from each person speaking only to me, they are quite meaningful, and I treasure every single one of them very much!

Running Out Of Time

October 4, 2014
Day 157

Eek!  October is speeding along at a rapid pace already, and I'm still accidentally writing September at work.  Yesterday at my proofreading job, I printed out calendar pages for October, November, and December, so part of my brain is now officially looking into the beginning of 2015.

Yes, it's still months away, and yes, I care deeply about the here and now, and all these many days and blogs before December 31st, but I'm also counting the weeks.  There are only 12 full weeks left now in the year!  Twelve!!!

Time is flying by so quickly, and if I blink, I might miss all the pumpkin spice coffees, Halloween chocolates, and butternut squash raviolis ahead of me. 

Hmm. 

Okay, so maybe my stomach could actually be helped by missing some of that, but I don't want to!  I like all the pumpkin-flavored everythings this time of year (even though most of it is just chemically induced imaginations of something that slightly resembles pumpkin).

All I know is, time's running out on my October, my fall, my holiday season, and my year.  Yes, it's still only October 4th, but in a few weeks, it'll be Halloween, and in a few weeks after that, it'll be Thanksgiving.  Then Christmas shopping will surely begin immediately after dinner that night, before the leftover cranberry sauce is even scraped off the plates.

Tomorrow will be here before I know it, and the tomorrows after that are staring at me from my calendar pages.  Soon enough, these empty days will be filled in or crossed out, and I'll be staring at a glass of champagne in my hand with the seconds counting down to midnight! 

Okay, okay, I know, I'm getting ahead of myself...a little.  Can I just ask one favor of you though, Father Time?  Can you let me drink a few more sips of this pumpkin-spice coffee before you play the Radio City Christmas commercial again?  I know Christmas makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but so do those bite-size pieces of chocolate I'm supposed to save for the Trick-or-Treaters, so I'd appreciate you giving us all these days slowly now, or at least at the usual pace of the clock, okay?  Please?  Thank you! 

ATONEMENT

October 3, 2014
Day 156

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not Jewish.  I have great respect for Judaism, and have had several wonderful opportunities to pray with Jewish friends and celebrate the Jewish holidays, but no, I'm not Jewish.

Atonement, though, just means apologizing, admitting a wrong, whether or not you feel the word "sin" should be used.  In that sense, we could all use a lot more atoning in our lives.  We could all stand to say "I'm sorry" more than we do, to admit we said something we shouldn't have, or did something we now regret.

On Yom Kippur* all over the world, Jewish men and women everywhere will fast from sundown to sundown, and spend most or all of the day in prayer and reflection. 

Most specifically, they will be praying to God for forgiveness of their sins.  In Jewish tradition, on Rosh Hashanah, God writes down the fate of each person for an entire year in the Book of Life, and then on Yom Kippur, you are to repent for your sins in one last plea before your fate is sealed.

Now all of this I pretty much knew, or mostly knew, but a few years ago, The West Wing taught me something I'd never heard before.  Apparently on Yom Kippur, you must ask God for forgiveness of your sins, but on Erev Yom Kippur (the day before Yom Kippur), you must ask your fellow man for forgiveness.  You cannot go to God asking for forgiveness until you first ask forgiveness of others.  In other words, you need to say you're sorry to your fellow man before you can think to ask such forgiveness from God.

Personally, I find this remarkable.  In a family argument, the mother or father doesn't just want their child to apologize to them, but also to the sibling they hurt.  Say you're sorry to your sister, they might tell us, or Now apologize to your brother for what you said.  It makes complete sense then that we would want to find healing and peace here before going to our Father (or Mother) in Heaven.

I try very hard to be the kind of guy who says "I'm sorry" when I've said or done something wrong.  When I purposely caused some kind of pain or some kind of annoyance to another driver on the road or to a fellow customer at the store, or so on, I believe in offering an apology.  I do this because it's the right thing to do, but I confess I have an ulterior motive too, so tell me if this sounds familiar...

I'm sometimes eager to apologize for my fault because I want to hear the other person offer an apology as well.  It may be that they need to hear it from me first, I don't know, but I do try my best. 

Am I perfect?  Far from it!  Do I not apologize at times?  Mm-hm!  But I know I do usually say I'm sorry whenever I have intentionally hurt someone.  Once again, I'm no preacher, and once again, you don't want to hear me preach anyway, but once again, I believe it's good for me to offer this little sermon here anyway. 

I am genuinely sorry for my imperfections of character, for all my faults, and even for all my sins, and I do hope my friends and family, as well as strangers everywhere, will know I am sorry.  I may not be Jewish, but I sure do live with guilt at times, and I hope others will forgive me for my offenses to them.  This Yom Kippur, may we all know greater peace, greater regret, and yes, greater forgiveness from one another.  To put it another way, may we all see God in every soul we meet.

*Yom Kippur is pronounced yohm khi-poor.
It literally means Day (Yom) of Atonement (Kippur).

Guest Speaker

October 2, 2014
Day 155

Last night, I had a unique opportunity to do something I've never done before, something I already want to do again soon.  I was a guest speaker at two classes at Nassau Community College here on Long Island.

The college is walking distance from my job, as I was just there yesterday afternoon for lunch with my sister Laurie, who works on campus, but the building I was to speak in was a little further away, so she helped me get a parking pass for my car.  Thank you, Laurie!

I was a bit nervous at the start of the first class, unsure how to get the ball rolling, but the more I spoke and the longer the evening went, the more fun it became.  The students (I hesitate to call them kids because they were all very mature and friendly) asked me tons of amazing questions, so many of which I'd never been asked before.

In the days leading up to the classes, I compiled a couple of pages of notes, and I brought my two published books, plus the 30 or so pages of notes for the third book with me too.  It was really cool sharing with them the process I go through when writing, and talking about character names, scene locations, and plots, specifically the choices I made and make before I write down anything at all.  I think I surprised them when I shared how much I enjoy being surprised by my own words and revelations.  I don't even know how a book will end when I start it, and for me, that's part of the fun!

Fun.  That was the word my friend Bill, who invited me there to speak, pointed out to me.  He said I was talking a lot about how fun it was to write.  In the second class, near the end of my talk, someone asked me that exact question: "Why do you write?"  I told him I could rattle off five or six great reasons, but we'd already uncovered a particular word in the class I'd just spoken with.  Fun.  I write for fun.  No one's making me do this, and God knows I haven't made any real money from it (a few hundred dollars is hardly worth working years to get), but it sure is fun!

So last night was pretty damn good, I have to say, and I really hope to have this kind of event again soon.  A book reading or discussion group would work, or other classes like last night's.  I'm not sure.  I just know that having all these people looking to me and waiting to hear what I had to tell them?  It felt great!  And the people I spoke with last night were so incredible too.  Their every glance my way showed me how caring they were, both of their own building skills as readers and writers, but caring as human beings too.  They offered me their full attention, and by doing so, they showed me they cared about what I wanted to share with them.

I was a bit nervous going into this, having not spoken to a class for a long time, but by the time the night was over, I wanted 10 more classes to talk to right afterward.  It was a completely wonderful, enlightening, all-around awesome experience speaking to some really great people, and I hope to do it again very soon!

My life as a teacher

October 1, 2014
Day 154

This evening, I have a wonderful opportunity to speak to two different classes at Nassau Community College here on Long Island.  Specifically, I'll be talking with them about my writing, and how I formulate plots, scenes, twists, and characters in my stories. 

My good friend Bill teaches these classes on reading comprehension, and he helps young men and women who are trying to improve their skills as readers and writers, to help them succeed more in college, as well as the workplace.

So...I'll basically show them what it's like fashioning a story or stories as a writer, so that when they go back to their reading, they'll have a greater appreciation (I hope) for what kind of hard work the author put into it to reach the end product. 

I've never done this kind of thing before, but I have been a teacher before.

As a junior and senior in high school, I taught religious education classes to 4th graders at a local school every Wednesday.  The curriculum included the Ten Commandments, the Beatitudes, and...well, a lot more that's now escaped me!  And it was fun!  I came up with lots of interesting techniques and memorization tricks to teach them, like drawing a heart on the chalkboard with eyes in the middle (Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God).

There's something to be said for how much I enjoy teaching through my writing too.  While some of my friends may quietly think I preach too much, I do see myself as a teacher in many ways.  I enjoy reflecting on various topics in my daily blogs here, and my books are a tremendous opportunity for me to tap into major issues, and really big ideas.

So tonight, I get to address two classes of students who are forced to listen to me!  (Insert evil laugh here.)  Honestly, I expect to learn as much from them as they do from me.  I hope to hear what kind of things they expect and enjoy when reading a book, and I'll listen very carefully to all of their comments and opinions.  I fully expect to have an absolutely awesome time with it, too!  : )

Stay tuned.  I'll update you tomorrow on how it all went!

Two wrongs don't make anything right

September 30, 2014
Day 153

I don't know how many times I'm guilty of this myself, but I certainly notice it in others quite a bit.  Forgive me, but I really need to preach on this for just a few minutes here.

If someone's acting like a bitch to you, or doing something mean, being mean right back to them is only showing you're just as "bad".  No, you may not have been as mean or vicious as they were to you (though you might have), but either way, you've revealed yourself to be made of the same vindictive, mean stuff as them.

Why?  Why do you do this?  Why do I do this?  Why do any of us do this?!?!  Why do we clearly see when something is immoral or just wrong, and add even more immorality or wrong to the situation?

To feel better?  Really?  That's the answer I hear most often, and it makes zero sense.  You see something as being clearly, 100% immoral, mean, spiteful, or otherwise unjust, and instead of trying to right the situation, you decide to wrong the situation.  You add one more wrong to the big pile.

This is like a mother scolding her children for all the muddy fingerprints on the wall by adding some dirty shoe-prints there too, or like a waitress punishing the messy people she's serving by purposely spilling coffee all over the table as well.  It's stupid!  It's silly!  It's causing more mess, more anger, sometimes more pain, and it's a ridiculous, nonsensical exercise in poor judgment!

Because you feel better?  REALLY?!  You feel better causing pain or anger in another person?  You take delight in removing happiness from another person, simply because they showed an unkindness of some variety to you?  All you're doing here is showing your true, unimpressive colors, and bringing more darkness into a dark situation.

Am I some innocent that never does this?  No.  But I'm seeing this foolishness more and more lately, and I can't help but grab the soapbox today to shout about it a little.  Two wrongs don't make anything right.  They only make more wrong.  If we want a kinder world, a more peaceful world, we need to start by eradicating this stupid behavior from our lives once and for all. 

The next time someone does something to ruffle your feathers or purposely pisses you off, feel free to be angry.  Feel free to be pissed.  Feel free to be upset and defend yourself.  But please don't be so dumb as to think you can make anyone, least of all yourself, feel any better by purposely causing pain in someone else's life.  Yeah, they wronged you.  Yeah, that was pretty foul of them.  Yeah, they really, really need to be taught a lesson!  But teach them a lesson of goodness.  Teach them kindness.  Teach them by your actions that their actions are wrong.  Be the cure.  Be the medicine for a very sick situation that's just gone on now for far too long.

A day in progress

September 29, 2014
Day 152

I'm going to try a little experiment today, if you don't mind.  I'm going to write this blog entry as the day unfolds.

So...

9:27 AM: Started blog.

10:30 AM: After spending some time catching up on e-mail and the like, I finally got some work to do.  Hello, Monday.  I guess you found me.

11:32 AM: Almost done with this first job of the day.  Thinking about how much I need another Atlantic City trip soon, and how happy I am to see my Borgata offers for a free room offer me the choice of booking for free at their new Water Club too.  Hmm...methinks I need to plan!

12:36 PM: This day is moving along at a comfortable pace, but doesn't seem to have much energy to it.  Probably shouldn't wish for much though, because no news is good news (Andy's uncle is still in very bad shape, and I just heard my Aunt Nancy is in end-of-life hospice care now too).  Once again, I'm reminded to stop complaining about the silly little things in life!

1:29 PM: Last night, Andy had to get up in the middle of the night to pee.  This has been happening to me fairly often for months now, but it was the first time for him.  He tells me it's the supplement he's taking (by choice, nothing wrong with him).  I wish I could say I felt badly for him, but instead, I just smiled and went back to sleep!

3:07 PM: Just booked a complimentary room at The Water Club, Borgata's newest hotel tower in Atlantic City.  Still a couple of weeks away, but already looking forward to the escape!

3:45 PM: We just had a fire alarm here at work.  Somehow even that felt boring to me on a Monday.

4:41 PM: I only had a few jobs today, which made the day both easier and slower overall.  Time to change for the gym in a few minutes.  Will update this entry once I'm home later.

6:58 PM: Had a good workout, the usual 40 minutes' worth of running on the elliptical and then 50 sit-ups when I got home.  Just had a delicious chicken sandwich, and now watching Season 1, Episode 1 of Once Upon A Time (again).

9:34 PM: We just got back from the hospital a few minutes ago.  Fai seems like he's doing better, but we keep hearing about infection and renal failure, so things aren't good.  Still, I only allow positivity when I'm near him, and I keep my negativity out of the ICU!

10:11 PM: Okay, heading toward bed now.  I've been reading two books lately.  The first is called Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh, and the other is Bird By Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott.  Both are excellent, and I look forward to cuddling up and reading one or both each night.  So...bedtime now for me.  Sweet dreams!

Listen to the sadness

September 28, 2014
Day 151

I'm a big proponent of optimism and hope.  I have tremendous belief in both, and I honor the power of optimism and hope in all matters through and throughout my life.

That said, I've also learned over the past four decades how important it is to listen to the sadness.

Sadness is going to come in and out of your life all the time.  Sadness is likewise going to come in and out of your loved ones' lives.  If you're a teacher, a preacher, a manager, or just a caring human being in any other way, it's important to remember that sadness will come in and out of others' lives as well.  None of us can escape sadness, as much as we may try.

And so we honor all sadness everywhere by listening to it.  Not loving it, not hoping for more of it or cheering it on, but absolutely listening to it.

When I started this blog entry online, I searched for an appropriate picture to go with this reflection.  I searched in Google for "sadness", picked one out from a random site, and then just as I was about to close the page, I saw the phrase "searching for sadness".

We're not searching for sadness, but we can search in the sadness.  We can look for the message or the lesson worth taking from any sad moment or experience.  Some sad times are just awful, and they tell us nothing but sadness, but even then, even in the darkest moments, we ought to take the time to listen.  Listen to the sadness, and honor the moment.  Don't offer some trite phrase or hopeful comment, but rather just listen.

Paul Tillich told us, "The first duty of love is to listen," and in the saddest moments that we or our loved ones experience, it is the only thing we can do.  Listen.  Honor the pain by staying quiet.  Give the sadness its due by allowing the sadness to express itself naturally.  Listen to all the negativity, especially if the stream of it cannot be stopped.  Honor all the pain, give all the darkness its moment to breathe, and help your loved one, student, patient, colleague, parishioner, or even the stranger in your midst by just shutting your mouth and listening, listening to the sadness.

Our blurry vision

September 26, 2014
Day 150

I can still remember the way I felt that very first time I got eyeglasses.  My mother was driving me home from the mall, or wherever it was, and everything I saw out the car windows was astonishing.  It was like a whole new world was presenting itself to me, a clearer world I'd previously been missing.

When you've never worn eyeglasses, it can be hard to imagine.  You truly believe the world around you is clear enough, until one day someone tells you they can see something you can't.  "What do you mean you can't read that sign?" they ask, and you immediately feel inadequate.

I wonder if life isn't this way too sometimes.  We think we're seeing clearly, when actually, we're missing so much.  The signs are all around us, but our vision is just blurry, and worst of all, we think we're seeing everything with absolute clarity.  We think we're so great, we've got superhuman vision...when so often, the complete opposite is true!

And then it happens.  An eye doctor comes along and sets you straight.  A teacher points out your spelling is actually quite horrible.  A friend confides he actually hates your cooking.  A family member gently takes your hand and whispers that you really ought to use breath mints more often.

When you finally get your "vision" checked and you're fitted for corrective lenses at last, you can't believe how blurry your vision used to be.  You can't believe how much clearer you can now see.

But this isn't the end of the lesson.  That's because you still do have blurry vision.  You've just learned to see differently with new lenses.  The lenses aren't attached to your eyes, just as perfect understanding isn't a permanent fix for your personality or judgment.  Being a good person isn't going to be a constant any more than you'll end up wearing glasses 24 hours a day.  Reality is fluid, vision is ever changing, and the eye, just like your sight, is forever imperfect.

We're stuck with our blurry vision, but we can help ourselves see more clearly when we first admit we don't see clearly, when we second get help from someone who knows better, and third, when we simply choose to wear our glasses, remembering that so often in life, we just need the outside help.

Enneagram Connections

September 26, 2014
Day 149

This will be the last entry from me about The Enneagram, at least for now.  I may come back to it later, not sure, but I need to close the series now with just a few more important notes.  Once you've figured out what your number is, you need to understand how all these personalities interact. 

FORWARD/BACKWARD: As you can see from the Enneagram itself, this is no mere list of different types.  In fact, each number moves to the negative attributes of another number when they're at their weakest, and they move to a different number when they're at their strongest. 

WINGS: Besides our main personality type, and our forward and backward numbers, we all exhibit some attributes of the number to our left and right side too (sometimes both!), which we call our wings.  The wing isn't who you are, but you may share many of its traits.  

CENTER: The 2, 3, and 4 are in the Heart Center because they tend to operate from their emotions before anything else when a given situation presents itself.  The 5, 6, and 7 are in the Head Center, because they tend to operate from their thoughts first and foremost.  And the 8, 9, and 1 operate from a gut-instinct tendency before thoughts or emotions.  Alternatively, these three centers are often called the feelers, the thinkers, and the doers.

Use these notes below to get a better idea what I've been talking about lately, reference any of the individual types detailed in the past week, and consult the Enneagram Overview as well.  All are linked here.

1 - The perfectionist/reformer, forward 7, backward 4 (wings: 9 and/or 2)
     I appreciate order and cleanliness, and I'm known for being a perfectionist in all things.  At my strongest (7), I can get a job done well and have fun doing it, keeping everyone else involved in the process, but at my weakest (4), I sometimes get annoyed and moody, judging others too much for not reaching my high standards.

2 - The helper/giver, forward 4, backward 8 (wings: 1 and/or 3)
     I like to be liked, so I'm often seeking attention and love through service to others.  At my strongest (4), I am helpful, kind, and peaceful, happy to do things for others without thinking twice, but at my weakest (8), I sometimes become manipulative and greedy, seeking attention and love in an often aggressive way.

3 - The actor/motivator, forward 6, backward 9 (wings: 2 and/or 4)
     Life is a competition, and I like being center stage, and always on top of my game.  At my strongest (6), I can perform at the highest levels, managing a large company or running a huge event that benefits my community, but at my weakest (9), I sometimes get lazy and quiet, choosing to be too relaxed when there's much more I should be doing.

4 - The artist/romantic, forward 1, backward 2 (wings: 3 and/or 5)
     I appreciate the beauty in things.  Fine wine, amazing art, even visceral sadness.  At my strongest (1), I see things clearly and sympathetically, knowing right from wrong and doing what I can to use my intelligence and art to change the world, but at my weakest (2), I sometimes grow moody and annoyed, spending too much time focusing on all the negatives.

5 - The silent observer/thinker, forward 8, backward 7 (wings: 4 and/or 6)
     At a party, I always enjoy quietly watching others, and learning everything I can!  At my strongest (8), I am a strong leader, using my wisdom and perspective to bring control and order to a situation, but at my weakest (7), I sometimes give into silliness and pleasure, seeking personal enjoyment and my own superiority over calm thinking and an ordered mind.

6 - The loyalist/questioner, forward 9, backward 3 (wings: 5 and/or 7)
     What did they say we were doing next?  I'm a team player, and I'm happy to serve.  At my strongest (9), I'm your best worker or best volunteer, championing the cause and getting things done, but at my weakest (3), I sometimes question authority and grandstand for attention.  I know I should remember there's no i in team, but I can't help but see four of them in individuality.

7 - The enthusiast/stimulation seeker, forward 5, backward 1 (wings: 6 and/or 8)
     Let's have a party, and make it big!  I enjoy life, and resist over-thinking things too much.  At my strongest (5), I'm able to mellow down and observe what's happening, really understand the situation as a whole, but at my weakest (1), I sometimes run around too much and too quickly, doing everything possible to avoid looking seriously at what I'm feeling inside.

8 - The leader/controller, forward 2, backward 5 (wings: 7 and/or 9)
     Hear ye, hear ye, this meeting is now in session.  I'm the leader, and don't you forget it!  At my strongest (2), I'm able to lead, control, and bring about change in many wonderful ways, fully tapped into my emotional side, but at my weakest (5), I sometimes march forward with so much gusto that I step on others in the process, and get stuck in my own brooding thoughts.

9 - The peacemaker/mediator, forward 3, backward 6 (wings: 8 and/or 1)
     Let's just relax.  Why do you worry so much?  Hey, did someone say it's bedtime?  Yay!  At my strongest (3), I'm able to transform my easy-going nature into becoming a healthy leader or popular personality at a conference or party, but at my weakest (6), I sometimes grow fearful and feel threatened, allowing others to run roughshod while I stay too quiet and weak.

Enneagram Overview

So what number are you?  And what number do you think I am?  How about your parents, friends, and family?  Do they strike you as being one of these types?  We shouldn't tell a person what number they are if they haven't already decided/chosen, but we can help them figure it out with some of these methods and descriptions. 

There's a wealth of material online about this, so look around.  What I've typed here the past 11 days now are just my thoughts and my own understanding of The Enneagram.  If you feel I've written something incorrect about who you are, or any of the other numbers, please let me know!  I may have misspoken, misinterpreted, or been flat out mistaken in some ways, so I welcome your edits!

Enneagram Personality Type 9

September 25, 2014
Day 148

Why worry so much?  Just relax.  We can be a little late; it's not gonna kill us.  Let's just have a great time!

If you or someone you know sounds anything like this, there may be a Nine in your midst.  Congratulations.  Your blood pressure will be lowered a bit just by being around them (unless you're a 1, in which case you might just get pissed at your 9 friend).

The Enneagram Nine is, quite simply, the most relaxed personality type on the Enneagram.  They are the peacemakers, but I'd suggest they are more accurately the peacefinders.  They find peace, for themselves and others, as if it's as simple to find as their next breath. 

Of the Nines I've known, all have been easy to get along with.  There's a reason we say Nines are the nice guy/nice girl type.  They're friendly, calm, easy going, and don't rock the boat.  Though some may be labeled lazy, most are just supremely relaxed, and they are puzzled why the rest of us don't relax more too!

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, Winnie The Pooh himself is the Nine.  He's everyone's friend, but you'd never mistake him for having the nervous energy of Piglet, the hardworking drive of Rabbit, the wise observation skills of Owl, or the bubbly, all-over-the-place excitement of Tigger.  One of the most interesting things I learned in the monastery about Nines is their tendency to focus on one thing so intently, it's hard to shake them from it.  Though it's true they are the most relaxed about almost anything, when they get an idea in their heads, they turn on their superpower tunnel vision until they get it.  Winnie The Pooh does this of course with honey!  He's everyone's friend, sweet, easy going, and relaxed, but when there's honey around?  Watch out!  He's got to go get it!

Famous Enneagram Nines include Tony Bennett, Yogi Berra, Matthew Broderick, Queen Elizabeth II, Rita Rudner, Barbara Hershey, Bill Clinton, Lisa Kudrow, Ray Romano, and Keith Richards.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 8

September 24, 2014
Day 147

Today belongs to the Eights.  They are in charge of this day.  They rule this day.  They are the masters and commanders of this day, and don't you forget it!!!

The Enneagram 8 is the LEADER, the director, and the boss.  He or she wields a powerful energy, and you better believe they enjoy wielding this powerful energy.  "Someone needs to be the leader," these Eights say, "So let it be me!  Let me show you the way, and let me decide how we'll get this project done!"

Of all the numbers on the Enneagram, 8s stand out from the herd, and don't like just being part of the herd.  On the rare occasions they are not the boss, they find ways of rising to the top anyway. 

But the 8 is not necessarily the leader in a bad way.  No, 8s are very often amazing leaders, protecting the herd and moving everyone forward.  They can be amazing when they speak out for the rights of others, the softer voices in their midst.  Healthy 8s know that with great power comes great responsibility, and they work very hard to help everyone they lead.

Of the 8s I've known, some have been loud and brash at times, but all of them have had hearts of...well, hearts of marshmallows.  An 8 is often hard and strong on the outside, carrying only a powerful demeanor when in public, but inside?  They can be a total mush!  They are in touch with their emotional side at their best, and only lost in brooding thoughts at their weakest.

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, there is no strong 8 lead, although Christopher Robin might be a very healthy 8.  Other suggestions I've heard are the gorilla and the Heffalump, although this latter example is better understood in Piglet's traditional worries about the Heffalump.  In recent years, the character is presented in a more friendly way.

Famous Enneagram Eights include Gloria Allred, Charles Barkley, Johnny Cash, Don Imus, Diane Lane, Mark McGwire, Suzanne Pleshette, Queen Latifah, Donald Trump, and Ann Richards.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 7

September 23, 2014
Day 146

Sevens are rarer than most other numbers, possibly in a tie with the Threes, and they're really fun to have around.  They're energetic pleasure seekers who love a good party, and avoid stress as much as possible. 

You know you're with a 7 when they seem to have a constant desire to stay active and keep finding new experiences.  You may have just spent the day at a beautiful restaurant followed by three wineries, and the 7 is looking to make plans at a club that night.

The Enneagram Seven is called The Enthusiast, because they're just bursting with energy all the time.

Of the Sevens I've known, most have been very balanced, and they do take life seriously when they have to, although it seems to be a struggle for them to delve into darker matters when necessary. 

In The Winnie The Pooh stories, Tigger is the Seven.  Happy go lucky, literally bouncing all over the place, he just wants to have fun.  Tigger can be serious if he absolutely has to, but mostly?  He just wants to have fun!  Sevens "bounce" back to full energy soon after they're temporarily slowed down.

Famous Enneagram Sevens include Mel Brooks, Alan Cumming, Cameron Diaz, Fran Dresher, Robert Downey, Jr., George W. Bush, Elton John, Eddie Murphy, and Britney Spears.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 6

September 22, 2014
Day 145

A LOT of people are Sixes. 

That doesn't mean you're one of them, but it does seem like we all know them quite well, sometimes better than they know themselves. 

The wordplay here is important.  Sixes say "us" and "them" a lot, and they think in terms of us and them quite frequently too.  Sixes are fear-based types, but they're also fiercely loyal people, loyal to friends, family, their country, their religion, and lots of other associations.  And as fear-based as they can be, they can likewise be dramatically courageous when the situation calls for it.

The Enneagram Six is known as the loyalist.  A Six is the type of man or woman who enjoys being a follower, not in some kind of subservient manner, but because they genuinely enjoy being one of the troops.  They relish being at the service of others as a working bee, and not the queen.

Of the Sixes I've known and know, almost all are easily identifiable.  When they're at their best, they're relaxed and easy going, working hard but not stressing about the work, or really anything.  When they're stressed though, they get a little sillier.  They jump into the spotlight more often, or otherwise out-stage others, possibly for fear of being trampled themselves.

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, Piglet is a 6.  He's sweet and lovable, but needs Pooh's leadership and advice.  He often feels as small as he is, and when he gets really stressed out, he becomes an absolute bundle of nerves. 

Famous Enneagram Sixes include Larry David, Meg Ryan, Dustin Hoffman, Tom Selleck, Penny Marshall, Julia Roberts, Mel Gibson, Woody Allen, Rosie Perez, and Albert Brooks.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 5

September 21, 2014
Day 144

The silent observer.  Those three words are enough to help most Enneagram Fives identify themselves right off the bat.

The Enneagram 5 enjoys studying life and people as if he or she is a sponge on hire to an alien race, determined to note everything they can for a report they'll file later.

Fives listen very, very carefully at a social gathering, and they seem to be constantly thinking, thinking, thinking their way through every conversation, exchange, and experience.

Of the Fives I've known, all have been smart and clever in equal measure.  They know they're quieter than most others, but they're happy to be so, because the less they're called on to speak, the more they can listen to what others say.  Some Fives can use their knowledge and observation skills against others, but most are just happy to listen and learn without judgment or motive.

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, Owl is the Five.  He watches quietly, sometimes from a distance, but his silent observation skills help him share wisdom and thoughtful advice with others.

Famous Enneagram Fives include Tim Burton, Albert Einstein, Joyce Carol Oates, Agatha Christie, Ralph Fiennes, Anthony Hopkins, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, and The Buddha.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 4

September 20, 2014
Day 143

Fours are one of my favorite types (but no, I'm not a Four).  They just exude something poetic and romantic that I find very attractive.

You can pick out the Fours in a crowd fairly easily, once you get the hang of The Enneagram, but beware: they're also the type who tend to hate The Enneagram.  Why?  Because they feel boxed, labeled, and worst of all, understood, something they prefer to believe is impossible.

The Enneagram Four is often called the poet or the romantic.  The Four wants to be different, and wants to be completely unclassifiable.  And really?  They are! 

Of the Fours I've known--and there have been many--the ones who start to learn about the Enneagram in depth either love it or hate it, there's no in between.  They either love being understood for their mysteriousness, or they hate being dissected and picked apart like some kind of lab rat.

Fours are often cultural experts, and are both blessed with the ability to see beauty in even the strangest of places and cursed with the sometimes-unwilling desire to pass judgment on those who treat life without the degree of sophistication they believe it deserves. 

In the Winnie the Pooh stories, Eyeore is a Four.  "Thanks for noticing me," he might say softly as he wanders off to appreciate the sunset, or work on a painting.

Famous Enneagram Fours include Bjork, Cate Blanchett, Nicolas Cage, Michael Jackson, Marilyn Manson, Morrissey, Sylvia Plath, Meryl Streep, and Judy Collins.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 3

From Finding the Birthday Cake, by Elizabeth Wagele

September 19, 2014
Day 142

Threes are rare.  I'll just start with that statement.  I've only known a couple of them in my life (at least among my close friends and family).  But as rare as they are, they're also very, very much like all the characteristics of their type.  Threes know they are threes, and they love to be Threes! 

The Enneagram Three is known as the actor, or the performer.  He or she enjoys being the focus of attention, and enjoys guiding others forward to the success that they themselves have already found. 

Unlike most other numbers, the Three doesn't shift much throughout life.  Who they are is who they've always been, and who they always strive to be: someone who's worked hard to achieve what they have achieved, and who cannot help but constantly compete with others in every way possible.

Of the threes I've known, success is not just a goal, but THE goal.  They don't understand why others aren't also constantly striving for complete success, and if at all possible, world domination too!  Sometimes mistaken for the Enneagram 8, a Three operates from his or her heart in all stressful situations.  Though they enjoy leading and inspiring a team of friends or strangers, the Three never loses sight of their feelings, which are always wrapped up in, whether positively or negatively, the experience of the moment.

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, Gopher is the most obvious Three.  He's all about tight schedules, hard work, and no lollygagging. 

Famous Enneagram Threes include Halle Berry, Mark Harmon, Michael Jordan, Demi Moore, Diane Sawyer, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kathleen Turner, and Oprah Winfrey.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 2

September 18, 2014
Day 141

The Enneagram Personality Type 2 is a wild card.  They can be very obvious or they can blend in well.  The old standard by which you can guess if a person is a Two is if they seem really interested in how you're doing.  It's not that Twos are innately more caring, though some may think so.  It's just that if they find someone they like, they don't let them go.

Ever.

The Enneagram Two is called the helper, and though they're excellent role models for service and attention, they also know very well how to help themselves too!

Of the Enneagram 2s I've known in life, some are wonderful, caring, happy and generous people, who have done a lot for others without seeking anything in return.  Others have made it very clear that they've done something, and expect a gift or reward for their good deed, even if just in the form of lots of attention.

The Enneagram Two enjoys serving others, being the go-to guy or girl for anything anyone needs, and generally just being the perfect person to have around when things go bad.  They want to be at your service, and they feel fulfilled when they can help others with whatever they might need.

In the Winnie The Pooh stories, Kanga (Roo's mother) exhibits the most 2-like attributes, although some have said Christopher Robin might be a Two as well.

Famous Enneagram Twos include Princess Diana, Whitney Houston, Bill Cosby, Richard Simmons, Mr. Rogers, Dolly Parton, Monica Lewinsky, Desmond Tutu, and Madonna.

Enneagram Overview

Enneagram Personality Type 1

September 17, 2014
Day 140

The Enneagram's nine types are not ordered by best to worst, as no number is better than any other number (though some 8s I've known might disagree). 

So as I begin today with the One, please note I'm just going in numerical order, and nothing more!

The Enneagram One is often called the perfectionist.  He or she is best known for their desire to keep everything in order, their meticulous attention to detail, and their fastidious practices in almost all things. 

While some Ones might be slightly messy or make mistakes, most are not the type to ever leave a mess or not clean up.  If you leave a mess in front of a One, they won't just be annoyed; they'll think you have a personality flaw!  That's because for them, order is part and parcel of their DNA. 

My father was a One, and though he had his struggles in life, his ability to keep things generally neat and in order was not one of them.  Like most Ones I've known, my dad was very exact in his life.  He was very careful with his writing, his parking, and even his food purchasing. 

A master-level coupon collector, my dad was amazing when it came to grocery shopping, both in the planning of it and in the execution.  On a long yellow legal pad, he'd write down at least three or four grocery stores within a 5-mile radius, and keep track of which store sold which food item at the best price.  His coupons in hand, he'd then drive off to these stores like a soldier going into battle, only arriving back home once the war was over.  As he unpacked the car, he'd call us into the kitchen to boast of his success.  "Now take a look at all this here on the table," he'd say in his thick Irish brogue, "And tell me how much you think this would have cost."  We'd take our best guesses, and then with a building smile, he'd announce proudly, "They paid me 17 cents."

If you know Winnie The Pooh, the character of Rabbit is an Enneagram One.  Other famous Ones include Julie Andrews, Joan Baez, Noam Chomsky, Anderson Cooper, Gregory Peck, Bill Moyers, Tony Randall, Judge Judy, Jane Curtin, and Anne Coulter.

Enneagram Overview

Anyone Enneagram?

September 16, 2014
Day 139

The Enneagram (pronounced any-a-gram) can be traced back to the ancient Sufis, but most of what we practice today is still only about 40 years old, so if you haven't heard of it yet, please allow me to teach you!

Enneagram literally means chart of nine, and it's a personality system based on nine different types of people.  I've been studying it for over 20 years now, and it's really helped me understand not just myself, but how others tick too.  Most importantly, the Enneagram reminds us we cannot judge others for simply being who they already are.

So today, I'm just going to give you a very quick run-through of each of the nine numbers.  Then in future blog entries, I'll guide you a bit more through each of the types, and go more into depth about each of them.  Sound good?  Okay, here you go:

1 - The perfectionist/reformer, forward 7, backward 4
     I appreciate order and cleanliness, and I'm known for being a perfectionist in all things.

2 - The helper/giver, forward 4, backward 8
     I like to be liked, so I'm often seeking attention and love through service to others.

3 - The actor/motivator, forward 6, backward 9
     Life is a competition, and I like being center stage, and always on top of my game.

4 - The artist/romantic, forward 1, backward 2
     I appreciate the beauty in things.  Fine wine, amazing art, even visceral sadness.

5 - The silent observer/thinker, forward 8, backward 7
     At a party, I always enjoy quietly watching others, and learning everything I can!

6 - The loyalist/questioner, forward 9, backward 3
     What did they say we were doing next?  I'm a team player, and I'm happy to serve.

7 - The enthusiast/stimulation seeker, forward 5, backward 1
     Let's have a party, and make it big!  I enjoy life, and resist over-thinking things too much.

8 - The leader/controller, forward 2, backward 5
     Hear ye, hear ye, this meeting is now in session.  I'm the leader, and don't you forget it!

9 - The peacemaker/mediator, forward 3, backward 6
     Let's just relax.  Why do you worry so much?  Hey, did someone say it's bedtime?  Yay!

That's it for now, just a starter! 

But wait!  What's all that about forward and backward?  Well, I'll get into more of what each number means and how they interact with other people of other types in future blog installments, but the short answer for now is, each of us exhibits positive attributes of one other number on the Enneagram when we're at our best (forward), and we also exhibit the attributes of one other number when we're at our most stressed (backward).  Much more on this later though!  Stay tuned! : )