I wish I could go back to college

January 19, 2015
Day 264

I wish I could go back to college
In college you know who you are
You sit in the quad
And think oh my God
I am totally gonna go far

(I Wish I Could Go Back To College,
song lyrics from Avenue Q)

Yesterday afternoon, quite unexpectedly, I found myself staring at my college campus for the first time in over 17 years.

The circuitous way this happened is kind of crazy really, but interesting nonetheless.  Andy's Uncle Fai died in October, and their family friend Kathy spoke at the wake and funeral for him.  She gave a beautiful eulogy in the funeral parlor, and was just a very good, kind soul throughout the weekend.  This past week, Kathy's 97-year-old mom died, and though I personally might not have attended this wake otherwise, I really wanted to because of how great Kathy was to Andy's family a few months ago.  And the funeral parlor her mom was waked at?  It was on Broadway in Riverdale, just four blocks south of the Manhattan College campus.  I never would have guessed it would take 17 years and 8 months until I visited my college again, nor that it would have taken the death of my partner's uncle's wife's friend's mother to do it!

I loved college so much, and I really enjoyed my classes as much as the time in between my classes, reading in the library, or sitting out in the quad, just enjoying a warm spring day as people played Frisbee across the grass.  But college was also about the dream of what would follow. 

For me, that dream, that reality, was a very happy life as a monk and teacher.  When I left the campus that May (I wasn't allowed to attend graduation), I had every hope and expectation of a year of Master's courses followed by a wonderful lifelong career as a Catholic High School teacher.

I knew who I was, and I knew I would go far.  And then, on July 19th that summer, my life completely ended, and a new one began.  I was back to square one, having no idea what my life would now be.  I had very few belongings and zero money to my name.  By November, I began a career as a proofreader, but my new dream--my original, deeply felt dream of being a successful writer--was still just a far-off hope. 

At almost 40, I'm still not there.  Yes, I've had some successes along the way, and some of those successes include accomplishments I'm very proud of, but I know my potential, that my future still promises great leaps.  I am totally gonna go far, even if I haven't yet, and the part of me that stared back into my past yesterday at my alma mater just reminded me of this. 

Life changes.  Circumstances change as well.  But dreams only grow, and I'm going to keep working hard until all my dreams are realized.