Ever just feel hated?

Photo taken by the Long Island Gay Men's Chorus
on June 14, 2014 in Huntington, Long Island.

June 17, 2014.
Day 48/365

Ever just feel hated?  Like everyone is against you, talking about you behind your back, mocking you and staying away from you?  Most likely, you have experienced this at one point or another in your life, and some of you have experienced it quite a bit.

I've felt this way in grammar school, high school, college and the monastic life, the workplace, and plenty of times online.  But the kind of hate I had to deal with this past weekend was a really scary strain of the hate virus.  It's the kind that has taken over the minds and bodies of otherwise good people, and caused them to act maliciously toward their fellow souls.

On Saturday, June 14, 2014, while I was standing on Route 25A waiting for the Long Island Pride Parade to begin, I spotted a group of four men holding hate signs walking up the road toward me, calling out some kind of hate speech to anyone who would listen as they did.  They'd soon be right in front of my face, and so I decided I would say something once they were. 

Time stopped.  I saw them approaching in slow motion, while across the street, a police officer was directing traffic nearby, and two other officers were walking slowly up the sidewalk.  Friends and strangers alike grew quiet as they approached.  I can see the whole scene repeating in my head over and over again like the Zapruder film.  I knew it was a moment in time, and a moment for me to tell these jackasses they were wrong.

So just as they came walking by, chanting out their hate with pride, I yelled, "God loves everyone!"  Well, they stopped dead in their tracks, and their leader (pictured in the photo above) comes up to me and says, very calmly, "That's right, God does love everyone, but he hates your sin, and he hates my sin too."  Now if this were an online conversation, I would have gone round for round with this fool for another 15 minutes, but instead, I knew he was just demented and sick, sadly suffering with the HATE virus.  I knew there was no way I'd get through to him, that I'd only upset the people nearby even further by giving him the time of day.  So I instead just moved him along with my arm through the air, and told him to keep moving and go away, or I'd call the officers over. 

Well, the officers across the street were now stopped in their tracks watching this happen, and as the guys moved away, the officers turned around, crossed the street, and began following these idiots in the direction they were headed. 

I was proud to have stood up to these sick men, but I was literally shaking for minutes afterward.  They'd gotten to me.  I'd let them get to me. 

And the part that gets me the most is, these were regular guys I might not realize are suffering with the HATE virus if I saw them anywhere else.  If we were in an elevator and it got stuck between floors, these men would probably talk to me very nicely.  If they saw me collapse in the park, they'd probably run over and help me.  If they saw me following them into a store, they'd probably hold the door open for me.  But because I was standing at a pride parade, they chose to hate me, to judge me, to use the Bible against me.  These men are my brothers either way, but on that day, they chose to hate me.

Still, I was grateful for so much more that day than any harm done to my psyche.  I was grateful for the sweet couple to my right, there to support their daughter marching with Pride For Youth.  I was grateful for my partner and my friends nearby for surrounding me with love.  I was grateful for my friend Mac marching in the parade with SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders), who I was able to greet with a big hug.  I was grateful to the police officers who just 30 or 40 years ago would have taken the side of these angry sickos with their hate signs and hate viruses.  And I was grateful for the thousands of people there waving rainbow flags and cheering for others, thousands who have all seen the hate virus spread, but who have all chosen to spread love instead.

June's Many Meanings

June 1, 2014.......Day 32/365

June means many things to me... 

It brings back memories of high school graduation, when I knew I'd be entering a monastery just two weeks later.  It brings back memories of that day I entered the monastic life--June 29th, 1993.  And it reminds me of the many gay pride events I've celebrated. 

I didn't just attend my first gay pride parade, I participated in it!  My friend Christopher invited me to march with his group from Queens College, and I happily agreed.  And though I've attended the NYC Pride Parade, the Montreal Pride Parade, and the Long Island Pride Parade several times since, none have matched the awesome feeling of marching down the streets of Manhattan.  I'll never forget the cheers all along the way, especially as they grew upon entering The Village.  I'll never forget the NYU kids cheering us on like we were the most famous people they'd ever seen.  Maybe they weren't cheering that much, and we definitely weren't the most famous people in the parade that year, but the atmosphere was just that kind of charged, and completely amazing. 

We even came upon a political figure whose poor history with the New York City gay community was unknown to me at that time.  He turned his back on the gay community at the dawn of the AIDS crisis, and though many suggested for years that he himself was a closeted homosexual too, I never heard any of this when I marched that year.  Mayor Ed Koch stood by himself that day as I recall, a quiet figure in his own quiet space on a side street, literally draped in shadows.  But he was there.  Many from Queens College ran over to shake his hand, but I was still shy, and nervous, and stayed back.  It was cool to see him there, though, and I hope no matter where his personal attractions were, that he made peace with his life and his political mistakes before he died last year.

When I think of June, I also think of my own pride community on Long Island.  I remember the work, though little, I did for them, and I think of the many, many people I've met along the way.  I think of the brief time I worked for the Pride Parade on Long Island, and I think of the times I marched in the Long Island Pride Parade.  And it is with great honor and humility that I reflect on the joy I experienced representing a group I started, called Long Island Gay Friends.  Along with our sister group, Dinner Anyone (created by my good friend Ken Arenson), Long Island Gay Friends was the Group Grand Marshal one year. 

I did really good work, and I helped people meet others.  I don't know how many friendships or even relationships happened because of Long Island Gay Friends, but I know there were some.  And that does my heart very, very good!

There are so many happy memories that come to mind when I think of the month of June, but two more very special ones include my partner Andy.  It was June 7th in 2001 that Andy first sent me a message online, in response to an online profile I had up.  He took the chance that day to contact me, and I am forever a happier human being because he did.  And on June 30th, 2009, Andy and I bought our home together.  We're happy to be here almost 5 years already!

Many of my happiest memories were born in June, so as the calendar page turns yet again, these are just some of the things that come to mind today.  I hope whatever your June memories are, they are sweet ones, and filled with color.